Dedicated to my wife…

Read on to know what happens to men who marry in India

Posts Tagged ‘infosys’

All India Men’s Welfare Association (AIMWA)

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on October 12, 2009

Launch of “All India Men’s Welfare Association (AIMWA)”

11 October 2009

Venue: Public Gardens, Opposite Jubilee Hall
Hyderabad, India

Why do we need an “All India Men’s Welfare Association”?

Welfare of boys and men has been seriously neglected in India over the last two decades. While proudly championing the cause of women’s rights and women’s empowerment, the government and society tacitly approved the propagation of anti-male sentiments, condoned the resultant diminution in value of men’s lives and supported blatant violation of men’s rights through discriminatory laws and policies. The growing apathy of the government and society towards the sufferings of men has necessitated the formation of an All India Men’s Welfare Association.

It has to be noted that while men still perform some of the most risky and challenging jobs in the society, and while the Government of India collects 82% of its tax revenue from men, not a single rupee has been allocated in the name of men’s welfare in the country’s budget in the last 60 years.

The National Family Health Survey, conducted by the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, does not consider men’s health and welfare important. Enormous focus on women and children, and the mention of men only in relation to how they should contribute to the health and welfare of women and children, clearly indicates the apathy of the Government towards men.

The homepage of the Animal Welfare Board of India (AWBI) cites Vardhamana Mahavira, the sage of total non-violence, who said, “All beings are fond of themselves, they like pleasure, they hate pain, they shun destruction, they like life and want to live long. To all, life is dear; hence their life should be protected.” While Mahavira’s teachings seem to have inspired the Indian Government to assign a separate ministry to look after issues of Animal Welfare through AWBI, the same Government did not see any necessity to establish a Ministry for Men’s Welfare.

Several laws have been passed in the last 60 years in the name of protection of women and their empowerment. However, there are no laws to protect boys and men from any form of abuse or harassment within and outside the home. Men are being subjected to severe discrimination under law, and their basic human rights are being violated every day in the name of more and more legal provisions that claim to empower and protect women.

Thousands of men are becoming victims of “legal terrorism” unleashed through laws like Indian Penal Code Section 498A, Protection of Women Against Domestic Violence Act, adultery laws, laws against rape and sexual harassment, and even divorce, maintenance and child custody laws.

While society is applauding more and more women getting educated, entering the job market and challenging their traditional roles within the family and society, men are still being shackled to their traditional duties of protecting and providing for women, children and the aged.

The growing disregard and hatred against men in our society is forcing more than 56,000 Indian men to end their lives every year. According to statistics obtained from the National Crime Records Bureau, every year, twice as many married men, compared to women, commit suicides unable to withstand verbal, emotional, economic and physical abuse and legal harassment. Deaths of these men make for the brief stories we often read in newspapers stating that a certain man “killed himself due to family issues or financial problems”. While every death of a young married woman is converted into a case of dowry death leading to immediate arrest of the husband and in-laws, accompanied by media-hype, male-bashing and breast-beating, large-scale suicides of men do not cause any outrage in the society.

Domestic and social harmony will prevail only when women AND men are ensured their rightful, honorable place within and outside the home. In addition, when we ensure true gender equality under law, litigations will be reduced, legal terrorism and extortion through misuse of the law will be eliminated, and our human and financial resources can be employed for betterment of the society and the country.

The aim of AIMWA is to work towards providing protection for men and boys against gender discrimination, domestic violence, sexual harassment and other forms of abuse. The organization will also focus on related issues like physical and mental health of men, and the need for social changes, policy reforms and legal solutions to men’s problems.

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Mothers-in-law group to fight cruelty by Daughters-in-law

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on September 9, 2009

Mothers-in-law of India group together to fight against the cruelty by their daughters-in-law.

The news is covered by BBC as well as countries like Russia and Gulf.

All India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF) news at BBC :
 http://news. 2/hi/south_ asia/8241275. stm

http://www.gulf- site/topics/ article.asp? cu_no=2&item_ no=313453& version=1& template_ id=40&parent_ id=22

http://www.dnaindia .com/mumbai/ report_we- are-victims- not-vamps- mums-in-law_ 1288123 says “It’s official. The saas-bahu soaps have got it wrong. Contrary to what reel households portray, mothers-in-law are seldom the villain of the piece in real domestic settings.

The latest round of the National Family Health Survey (NFHS) shows that
young women face maximum domestic violence from their own parents rather than in-laws. Armed with the data, over 700 women have joined hands to launch the All-India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF) to break their stereotyping as vamps, and demand protection against violence and abuse by daughters-in- law”

According to the NFHS report, 13.7% women faced violence from their
mother as against 1.7% tormented by their mother-in-law. Among unmarried women, 57.1%, and among women who were married but whose send-off ceremonies were yet to take place, 64.3% reported family members, particularly mothers, as perpetrators of violence against them.”*

All data can be found at page 548 of the following report

http://www.nfhsindi 3%20Data/ VOL-1/India_ volume_I_ corrected_ 17oct08.pdf

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The beaten husbands’ club

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on June 20, 2009

Poor Indian husbands as usual getting taunted and beaten by their wives

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Women are never happy

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 31, 2009

Despite wealth, health and opportunity, women still less content says study by US National Bureau of Economic Research

You can read the entire set of observations at:

As a teenager, I had heard the following joke (now studies have shown that it is a reality that women are never happy. They just keep crying about having less even if they have everything):

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

“That’s nice”, she thinks, “but I want more.”

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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Men gang up to take on Section 498 (A) misuse

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 19, 2009

This is Mahesh Kalge, a techie. He and his folks were charged for his wife’s suicide. The only thing is, his wife is alive and kicking. He says she misused the law to torture him.
By Chaitraly Deshmukh
Posted On Friday, May 15, 2009 at 05:16:08 AM

Kalge tells his story

We were to shift to a new flat in Chinchwad. My wife was angry  because my parents were to stay with us. On Dec 28, 2007, she drank ‘poison’ and informed my mother. My mother took her to Lokmanya Hospital. After she was cured, my mother informed her family. They then came with 60 people, abused us and filed a case against us under Section 498 (A). The next day, when we applied for bail, the police slapped a case of suicide abetment. We were put in jail for 27 days, while my wife went to live with her parents taking 37 tolas of gold and my infant son. In Nov ‘08, a chargesheet was filed against us. Only then I knew she was alive. Since then I have been involved with Save Family.”

Mahesh Kalge (30), a techie from Chinchwad, was arrested along with his parents in December ‘07 for their alleged involvement in abetting the suicide of his estranged wife.

Kalge’s wife had left their house, accusing him and his family of harassing her. As a result they had to spend several days in jail. He is now taking on the law that makes villians out of even good men — and there are many like him.

Who wronged whom
Recalling the agony, Mahesh says, “We were about to shift to a new flat. My wife was angry as my parents were to stay with us.

On December 28, ‘07, she gulped poison and immediately informed my mother. My mother promptly took her to Lokmanya Hospital where she was admitted and cured.”

He adds, “After she recovered, my mother informed her parents about the incident. That evening, they arrived with 50-60 people, abused and manhandled my parents, my married sister and me.

Then they filed a case against us under Indian Penal Code section 498 (A) and we were arrested. The next day, when we applied for bail, the police slapped us with IPC section 306 for abetting suicide.

We languished in jail for 27 days while my wife went to live with her parents taking 37 tolas of gold and other belongings from my house. That was the last time I saw my son. He was five months old.”

“In November ‘08, a chargesheet was filed against us. Then I realised she was still alive, living with her parents. I  started looking for information on misuse of laws and came to know about SFII.

I‘ve been associated with them ever since. Although I am not a lawyer, I know most laws protecting women now. In fact, the police should have filed a case for attempted suicide against my wife but she got away with it and we suffered.”

Mission save the family

According to the law

Article 498A of the IPC states that if a husband or any of his relatives subject the wife to cruelty which could drive her to commit suicide, seriously harm her physically or mentally in any way or unlawfully demand any
property or money from her, they are liable to be imprisoned for upto three years and also may be liable to pay a fine.

Today Mahesh is a member of Save Family, a subsidiary of the Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF), and vehemently promotes that various provisions of the Indian Penal Code (IPC), the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961, the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005,  the Criminal Procedure Code, 1973, under the relevant provisions of the Hindu Marriage Act, the Special Marriages Act and Guardians and Wards Act, 1890 are being used by women to harass men.

To support his argument, he quotes the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) report, “The acts once promulgated to protect women are now taking their toll on men.

While 52,483 married men committed suicide , in ‘05, across the country in ‘06 it went up to 55,452. The number of married women committing suicide was 28,188 in ‘05 and 29,869 in ‘07.”

“NCRB’s findings reveal unscrupulous women who attack husbands and in-laws with frivolous dowry torture complaints is a chief causes of suicides among married men. Section 498 (A) of the IPC has been handy for women to torture their husbands and in-laws.”

Women are not abusers
Of course, womens’ organisations refuse to buy his argument. Julia George, a lawyer and nun associated with the Pune’s Stree Wani says, “The law is never misused. Women  do not usually take such drastic measures.”

Dr Neelam Gorhe, founder, Stree Adhar Kendra, says, “Most women never misuse laws. There may be  few cases where they have acted on the wrong advice of lawyers and resorted to such tactics, but most harassment cases are real. If conviction rates in such cases is as low as 10 per cent, it is because they aren’t investigated  well.”

SIFF-ting through issues
But Mahesh refuses to accept this. “We are not against laws that protect women. We are against women who misuse them. We are specifically fighting against the abuse of old, sick people and kids.

We are fighting against wives who force men to disown parents and live as per their wishes or force in-laws on their husbands.

We’re trying to create   awareness of ‘legal terrorism’ going on in the name of women’s empowerment. We are trying to protect the Indian family system from the onslaught of greedy and unscrupulous women,” he says.

“In Pune, SIFF has successfully executed mass awareness campaigns by staging dharnas and rallies to encourage victims to come forward and protest against the misuse of laws by women.

We hold counselling sessions, run a toll-free helpline for harassed men and offer advice online. We are working constructively,” he says.

Mahesh accuses the cops of being high-handed when acting on harassment complaints by women. “The law is partial to begin with. To make matters worse, police do not spare senior citizens alleged to be tormentors.

They are detained, arrested and put in jail on the basis of the complainant’s word. Proper investigations don’t take place and at times there are attempts to misrepresent the case to the judiciary,” he says.

The law’s fair
But Gorhe denies the law is partial. She insists, “Laws are not made in a hurry. All aspects are considered while drafting bills and promulgating them.

Laws are the pillar of the Indian Constitution. We never misrepresent cases. All we do is encourage distressed women to take a stand and help them.

If a woman rightfully demands money for her sustenance, how can it be an abuse of the law? This is nothing but propaganda by men who have trouble with the law,” she fumes.

Julia George feels such cases must be handled with care. “Even I avoid asking women to file cases under the IPC which may result in widening the rift. Normally women too are sensitive towards their spouses and in-laws and are reluctant to lodge criminal cases.

To file a criminal case, a woman has to struggle a lot and convince police officials. I feel the Domestic Violence Act is the best tool to deal with such cases. It leaves open the possibility for a reunion,” she says.

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Be Vocal: Learning Series – 1

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 19, 2009

I will call this series ‘Learning Series’ – the intention is that the reader can learn from my mistakes.

Be Vocal: the problem with us men is that we do not talk.

When I was younger, I heard the following reality:

Question: How to spread news faster than BBC?’. Answer: Tell a woman!

We do not talk when our marriage is going through a rough time, we do not talk when we are involved in the legal battle, and we do not talk even after the battle is over. Let me take all the three phases separately:

Phase 1: Marriage going through a rough time

Have you ever seen a husband talking bad about his wife? The chances are very less, but one can surely imagine women discussing with other women the problems they have with their husbands.

That is the basis difference between men and women – that leads to increased problems for men.

Husband and wife will have some difference of opinion leading to an argument. Within 24 hours, the world will know the wife’s version of the argument.

Next time, you two have some disagreement – within 24 hours, the world will again know your wife’s version and start to think may be you are quarrelsome.

Third time, you get into a heated discussion, and your wife tells the world about it, the world will actually start to believe that u are illogical and ill-treat your wife.

Now, all this while you did not discuss about your problems with anyone, because you did not want to defame your wife, but she went around talking to the whole world about her problems, and slowly and steadily they started to believe that you are a problematic case.

Phase 2: Legal battle is going on

When the legal battle is going on, husbands prefer not to discuss it within their social circles; while wives will keep shouting on the top of their voice about how they were allegedly tortured for dowry!

In this whole process, the husband gets very secluded while the wife generates many supporters. The common people in our society always support the women by default. On top of that, she would keep on telling them sad stories and crying in front of them to generate even more sympathy and support.

Phase 3: Legal battle has ended

Nothing is permanent, so all legal battles also come to an end. Husband is acquitted in 98% of the dowry related cases (Refer to National Crime Research Bureau statistics), still wives keep on filing such cases? Why.

Because men are not vocal. When a wife manages to win a court battle, she would be vocal about her success, and 100 people would know about it. While, when a husband wins a court battle, he just keeps quiet about it. Hence, everyone hears more husbands losing court cases.

Hence, the potention 498a wives think that they would be able to torture their husbands in the courts (inspired by the success stories of their predecessors).

Summary: Bottling up of emotions and frustration inside is not good – neither for your health nor for your social standing. Health-wise, you would develop more and more stress, leading to medical ailments. Quit the conventional notion that being a man means being individualistic. One can share his problems and still be strong.

Be vocal, keep the society informed about what is happening with you – firstly it will help you win friends and secondly it will help the society understand that women perpetuate domestic violence too.

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Listen to whatever your wife says: SC tells husbands

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 19, 2009

Supreme Court of IndiaNew Delhi If you want to buy matrimonial peace just do whatever your wife says!

This is not some piece of advice from a marriage counsellor, rather it is from the country’s apex court.

A vacation bench of justices Markandeya Katju and Deepak Verma observed, “Bibi joh boltee hai woh sunno (listen to whatever your wife says), as otherwise it could land you in trouble. Because if you do not listen to her, you will suffer the consequences.”

Hum sab bhogi hai (we are all sufferers),” the bench said in a lighter vein.

The bench further said that a husband has to accept the suggestion of a wife irrespective of the fact whether it is sensible or not.

If your wife asks you to put your face that side, put it that side. If she says, put it this side, then put it this side. Otherwise you will face trouble.Hum sub bhogi hai,” the bench remarked again.

The interesting suggestions from the apex court evolved on Tuesday during a matrimonial case involving an Air Force official Deepak Kumar who complained that his estranged wife Manisha had ruined him and his family by implicating them in false criminal cases including sodomy.

The couple got married 17 years ago but matrimonial disputes surfaced between the two soon after marriage. A district court in Chandigarh dismissed Deepak’s plea for divorce as Manisha opposed it, but a single judge of the Punjab and Haryana High Court granted decree of judicial separation.

On an appeal from Manisha, a division bench granted the decree of divorce as the marriage “had irretrievably broken down” besides directing Rs 10 lakh maintenance amount from Deepak to her.

Aggrieved by the high court’s order Manisha filed the appeal in the apex court challenging the decree of divorce. Deepak’s counsel argued that Manisha even though had implicated her husband and his family in a host of criminal cases was yet opposing the divorce despite the marriage breaking down irretrievably.

The vacation bench however, posted the matter for further hearing to July last week as there was no urgency in dealing with the matter.

“You have waited for 17 years, so wait for a few more days,” the bench said while switching over to the next item on the agenda.

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Wife kills husband in Shimoga

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 18, 2009

Look at the Choice of words
– Harrassed Wife
– Drunkard Husband
– Incessant harrassment
– HE fought with HER
– He doubted the integrity of wife
– Srinivas Naik Slep after ROUTINELY quarelling with Wife
– Frustrated Geeta strangelled
– She confessed to crime( Brave honest girl )

So this is a case where a poor man is dead and all the negative derogatory
adjectives fall on him. poor man gets blamed even after his death..
This is a case where a woman brutally commits a cold blooded Murder, and the media are adding their niceties around her ..

WOWOW.. Media and its Gender Biassed Opinions…

*Shimoga, May 18:* In an incident that occurred on the night of Saturday
May 16 in the town, a daily wager named Srinivas Naik (33) was murdered by his wife, who was unable to cope with his incessant harassment.

Reportedly, Srinivas Naik doubted the integrity of his wife Geeta Bai (24)
and fought with her on a daily basis, alleging that she had an illicit relationship, after getting drunk.

On Saturday too, Srinivas Naik slept after routinely quarrelling with his
wife. Frustrated Geeta strangulated her husband when he was sleeping, by
tightening a rope around his neck. She confessed to the crime when the
policemen, who were alerted by her neighbourers, questioned her.

The policemen of Tunga Nagar police station here have registered a case.

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Harassed husband commits suicide

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 17, 2009

BANGALORE: Lokesh (30), who was called by the Nandini Layout police for a settlement in a family dispute, allegedly consumed poison before entering the police station on Thursday and breathed his last on Saturday morning. The family held his wife responsible for his act and demanded compensation.

Following a missing complaint lodged by Poornima about her husband who had allegedly gone missing six months ago, Nandini Layout police had started the investigation.

“We were informed that Lokesh had come to the city and told his parents to send him to the station.

Poornima had alleged dowry harassment and that Lokesh’s parents had hidden him, and they planned to get him married again. As per the law, we had called Lokesh’s parents to the station for questioning earlier” said Sunil Kumar HT, Inspector Nandini Layout police station.

A relative said that Lokesh was being harassed by Poornima and this is his second suicide attempt.

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Dog exempted from appearing in court

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 17, 2009

Chhotu, a dog who has been dragged in a 10 month old case, finally got a repreive from a court here from making rounds of courtroom for its production in a case lodged against his mistress for breaching peace and tranquillity.

Sub-Divisional Officer Ashwini Dattatrey Thackeray yesterday dropped a case against Chhotu’s mistress Raj Kumari Devi on the ground that the time-frame fixed under section 107 of CrPC for hearing the case has expired.

The six-month time-frame has already expired in the case and hence it was being dropped against Raj Kumari Devi, the SDO said.

The court has dropped the case on technical ground and it was never heard on its merit as the case has been deferred for umpteen times during floods and Lok Sabha elections since the filing of the case in July last year, said Dilip Kumar Dipak who defended the dog and his mistress.

The court had ordered that the mongrel would be produced on every date alongwith his mistress Raj Kumari Devi but since the case stood no longer, the pet animal would not be required to appear in the court, the counsel said.

Shambhu Das and Jagdish Das had alleged that the dog was mad and could cause serious injuries to the residents of Tatmatoli locality of the town area.

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