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Read on to know what happens to men who marry in India

Posts Tagged ‘Domestic Violence’

Wife has been beating husband since 10 years

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on November 28, 2009

Look at the following three videos: How violently Indian wives beat their husbands

Purushottam Mahajan was physically and mentally abused by his wife, he has videotapes of about 60 days of abuse, many men do not even have this evidence, some of them suicide!. The Police has not yet taken action on Purushottam’s complaint against spousal-abuse, even after 2 years of his complaint to various police and other authorities.

Indian Men are leading a troubled and stressed-out life and as per National Crime Records Bureau, almost 75000 men committed suicide in 2006. This is almost 80% more than women who have committed suicide (app. 42000).

The age-wise break up is as follows:

Table : Suicide Statistics Year 2006

AGE               MEN          WOMEN   TOTAL%         MORE MEN
14 or less    1194           1270         2464                -6%
15-29            22757      19459       42216              17%
30-44            27809      12890       40699            1 16%
45-59            17345       6261           236061          77%
60 or more 6597          2530          9127               161%
TOTAL 75702 4241011811279% Source: NCRB Data of 2006 (www.ncrb.nic.in)

 

WHAT THIS MEANS? Under the age of 14, women are 6% more likely to commit suicide, but the suicide rate increases drastically upto 116% more for males WHEN CHILDREN START TO TAKE GENDER BASED ROLES!


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Women are more violent than men

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on November 23, 2009

 

Throughout the world women in relationships are twice as likely as men to be perpetrators of serious domestic violence.

In India, for example, 23.0% of severe aggression was instigated by women, 15.3% was male-initiated, and 61.5% was mutual – see “Table 3” in the following link
http://pubpages. unh.edu/~mas2/ID41E2. pdf

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DV Act 3rd anniversary celebrated across India

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on October 26, 2009

Troubled by their daughter-in-law and the biased laws, Indian families come to the roads across India on the 3rd Anniversary of the highly criticized DV Act.

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Amend domestic violence act to plug its misuse against men, demands NGO

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on October 13, 2009

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/amend-domestic-violence-act-to-plug-its-misuse-against-men-demands-ngo/527991/

Swatantra Awaz Welfare Organization, a non-government organisation, has demanded amendments in Domestic Violence Act. The NGO along with All-India Rational Activists will organise a protest dharna in Chandigarh on October 25, on the anniversary of inception of Domestic Violence Act.

Disclosing this here today, Amandeep Singh, president of Swatantra Awaz Welfare Organisation, said, “Due to lack of social support and legal protection, many male victims of domestic abuse are taking their lives everyday. False cases are severely hampering personal and professional lives of the most productive section of the Indian population. The so-called “women protection” laws are in fact causing more harm than good to women. In every false case, at least two women, a mother-in-law and a sister-in-law are accused. Minor girls, pregnant women, married and unmarried sisters, ailing mothers and even aged grandmothers have been sent behind the bars based on mere allegations and subjected to long-drawn trials before being declared innocent. Even children are not being spared from the suffering. In case of marital disputes, children are denied access to their fathers, causing great pain to the fathers and children.”

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पुरुष भी हैं घरेलू हिंसा का शिकार

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on October 13, 2009

लुधियाना . स्वतंत्र आवाज वेलफेयर आग्रेनाइजेशन ने दहेज व घरेलू हिंसा कानून के दुरुपयोग के मसले उठाए है। आग्रेनाइजेशन के अनुसार पिछले पांच वर्षो के दौरान देश में दहेज प्रताड़ना के मात्र दो प्रतिशत मामले ही साबित हो पाए हैं। साफ जाहिर है कि इस कानून का दुरुपयोग रहा है। पुरुष भी घरेलू हिंसा का शिकार हो रहे हैं, लेकिन विडंबना है कि कानून उनकी इस शिकायत पर गौर नहीं कर रहा है।

अगर एक महिला अपने पति या ससुरालियों के खिलाफ थाने में दहेज उत्पीड़न की झूठी शिकायत भी दे देती है, तो पुलिस बिना जांच उस पूरे परिवार को उठा लाती है। बिना कसूर परिवार को जेल में रहना पड़ता है। महिला सशक्तिकरण के लिए सरकारें काम कर रही हैं और कानून भी महिलाओं के हक में बनाए गए हैं, लेकिन दहेज उत्पीड़न में वृद्ध महिलाएं व अविवाहित लड़कियां भी कष्ट झेलती हैं। ऐसे कई केस हैं जब रंजिशन दर्ज कराए मामलों में किशोर सदस्यों को भी जेल में धकेल दिया जाता है।

आग्रेनाइजेशन के सदस्य गौरव सैनी के अनुसार वह संसद को इस बारे में ज्ञापन भेज कर संशोधन के लिए आग्रह करेंगे। गौरव सैनी के मुताबिक पुलिस ऐसे मामलों को दर्ज करने में कोई जल्दबाजी दिखाए बिना पूरी जांच के बाद केस दर्ज करे। दफा 498—ए को जमानत योग्य बनाया जाए। वह पंजाब में करीब 500 परिवारों के केसों का ब्यौरा एकत्रित कर चुके हैं। उन्होंने पीड़ित परिवारों के लिए हेल्प लाइन भी जारी की है।

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Harassed men, kin to hit streets

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on October 11, 2009

CHANDIGARH: Fed-up of being victims of domestic violence, harassed men and their family members across the country will take to the streets in
prominent cities to protest against Domestic Violence Act. Representatives of Save India Family Foundation while talking to TOI informed that following an increase in the number of such complaints, they had decided to mark October 25 – day the Act was implemented – as ‘Domestic Violence against Men Day’ and have chalked a list of activities, including protest marches by thousands of men in Delhi, Mumbai, Chandigarh and Hyderabad.
“We will be organizing a protest march in various prominent places of different cities across country on October 25,” said Nitin Gupta, representative, SIFF, Chandigarh unit, adding, “In Chandigarh, we have sought permission to stage a dharna in Sector 17, whereas our Delhi unit is planning one near Jantar Mantar.”
Clearing the air, NGO members plan to observe the entire October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the first time it will be done in the country. “Our aim is to make it an international event for all men’s rights and fathers’ rights groups across the world. Our month-long campaign will focus on educating the Indian public about how the problem of domestic violence has been misrepresented; how DVA has been commercialized and how Indian laws, claiming to prevent domestic violence, are actually promoting domestic it as well as human rights abuse against men, women and children,” Gupta added.

CHANDIGARH, 2 Oct 2009: Fed-up of being victims of domestic violence, harassed men and their family members across the country will take to the streets in prominent cities to protest against Domestic Violence Act.

Representatives of Save India Family Foundation while talking to TOI informed that following an increase in the number of such complaints, they had decided to mark October 25 – day the Act was implemented – as ‘Domestic Violence against Men Day’ and have chalked a list of activities, including protest marches by thousands of men in Delhi, Mumbai, Chandigarh and Hyderabad.

“We will be organizing a protest march in various prominent places of different cities across country on October 25,” said Nitin Gupta, representative, SIFF, Chandigarh unit, adding, “In Chandigarh, we have sought permission to stage a dharna in Sector 17, whereas our Delhi unit is planning one near Jantar Mantar.”

Clearing the air, NGO members plan to observe the entire October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the first time it will be done in the country. “Our aim is to make it an international event for all men’s rights and fathers’ rights groups across the world. Our month-long campaign will focus on educating the Indian public about how the problem of domestic violence has been misrepresented; how DVA has been commercialized and how Indian laws, claiming to prevent domestic violence, are actually promoting domestic it as well as human rights abuse against men, women and children,” Gupta added.

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Which idiot says the DV Act is misused?

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on October 11, 2009

Day in and Day out, we get to hear so many cases of the women-centric laws being misused. Be it the 498A or the PWDVA (Commonly known as the DV Act), everyone around alleges that these laws are being misused by the legal terrorists to terrorize their husbands and their families and using them as Free ATM Machines.

However, a critical study of this PWDVA law itself, makes me wonder; is this law really being misused at all? Surprised? Let me give you some grounds to think…

  • The act is made to provide relief ONLY to the married women in a domestic setup.
  • It’s one of the only laws that are entirely drafted and finalized by Lawyers, and not the legislation. This seems to me like a lock designed by a team of thiefs; and you expect that lock to be theft-proof.
  • This law is also famous as being a clumsy copy of the notorious VAWA law of the US, which is under a lot of criticism already. Even otherwise this law is a direct offshoot from the US sponsorship towards breakage of Indian Family system.
  • This law defines Domestic Violence as anything that the wife feels as a cruelty towards her. It might include the husband not giving her money for Kitty Party, or even he calling her step brother an idiot.
  • The law provides the wife to accuse anyone in the domestic relationship, including 2 months old baby, 89 years old granny or an 8 months pregnant sister-in-law. And they’ll all be required to run from pillar to post in the Indian Courts for as long as the Complainant or the Judge wants.
  • The complainant under this act can ask for any amount of money from the husband as compensation. There’s no limits to her imagination.
  • The complainant can also ask for a “right to residence” in any house that she might have stayed with her husband, ever. In addition, she can also legally ask all the other residents in that house to evacuate it, on the pretext that she feels threatened by them.
  • The Complainant can file a case under this act at any time of her life, even after 12 years of her divorce from the accused (ex-) husband.
  • There is no penalty whatsoever for the complainant if the filed case is proven to be entirely false.
  • The Supreme Court of India has ruled very clearly that this Act is a Clumsily Drafted Law and so it should be scrapped.
  • This law is already declared as unconstitutional by the National Organization “Save Indian Family” in it’s National-level Shimla Meet 2009.

With all the above points about this particular act, don’t you think the law was specifically designed by the Lawyers Collective for the exact purpose to destroy the very fabric of the country?

Now that you know the background about this law, do you still think this law is being misused? I’d say not at all. The PWDVA, 2006 is actually Used properly for achieving it’s exact objective. The objective to destroy India and the Indian Family System, by destroying the very workforce of the country, i.e. the Men and their families.

So when a law is being used exactly as it was designed to be used, would you still call it a misuse? I’d not.

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Marry shades of grey!

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 16, 2009

Read below an article from Deccan Herald where it says girls think guys are hiding some ‘handicaps’ if they do not ask for dowry!

Harassed husbands? The SC’s recent observation calling for a review of dowry laws (on the grounds that they are often misused) might have women’s organisations up in arms but more and more ‘harassed’ husbands have been raising their voices after being falsely implicated. Sriranjitha Jeurkar investigates why many dowry cases no longer remain plain black and white today

My name is Kumar. I am 28 years old. I wanted to marry a poor girl, so that I could help a poor family. When I told my father about this, he suggested that I marry the daughter of one of his distant relatives, from a town in Andhra Pradesh. I believed that when he had chosen nothing but the best for me until now, he could not go wrong in this decision either. I agreed. I didn’t know much about the family, except that the girl’s father was a bus conductor. We demanded no dowry and even agreed to foot the wedding expenses.
It was a perfect wedding. My wife and I lived together for a month and she went back to her home for some rituals. That’s when I realised I had contracted a sexually transmitted disease from her. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents. When I asked my wife about it, she confessed that she had had an affair with someone else and had married me due to pressure from her family. “You didn’t ask for dowry, so we thought you had something to hide too,” she said.
I was shocked. But I wanted to save my marriage, so I asked her to come with me for treatment. She wasn’t interested. She told me that she would give me a divorce by mutual consent if I gave her Rs 5 lakh. And she didn’t want to discuss the matter with her parents because she was afraid they’d take away the money from her.
Still, I was glad she had told me the truth. I told my parents. Then my company sent me abroad for a project. We applied for divorce by mutual consent, and before I left, both of us went to the family court on six occasions. After I returned to India, she went back home saying that her mother was ill, and didn’t return — not even to attend the hearings. All of a sudden, she started saying that she didn’t want a divorce, and demanded that I pay her Rs 25,000 a month as maintenance. She claimed that I was earning far more than I really was, that my family had a lot of property (which is untrue) and said we had thrown her out of the house because she refused to bring Rs 2 lakh from her parents. She claimed that her family had spent a sum of Rs 10 lakh to conduct the wedding. She even went to the extent of saying that we had forged her signature on the divorce petition!
She filed a dowry case, and I was named as an accused — along with my mother, dad, cousin and aunt. I was taken into custody and stayed there for seven days, despite my family producing documents, which refuted her claims. She told me that if I paid her Rs 10 lakh in cash, she would withdraw the case. But she also had another demand —that I give it to her in writing that I am impotent.
My aged parents had to wait for three months to get bail. We were stripped, and our fingerprints taken, as if we were petty criminals.
Until then, we knew very little about the law, and even less about Section 498A. My parents, at one point were on the verge of committing suicide. Due to all the stress, my performance at work suffered. I was terminated. Three years later, the case is still on — and I am still looking for a job. I received three job offers — all of which were withdrawn once they conducted a background check and found out that I had a case pending against me. My future looks uncertain, but there’s one thing I’m sure about: I have lost faith in the institution of marriage. I will never marry again.

Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code (Dowry Prohibition and Prevention of Marital Cruelty) is aimed at protecting the woman from harassment — from either her husband or her in-laws. But the loopholes in the law have led to misuse by women across the country. The common perception, that a helpless woman is abused for dowry by her husband’s family and the law is her only saviour — is being turned on its head.
Bangalore-based advocate Shankarappa, who has been practicing law for the last 18 years, handling many high-profile cases, says that he has seen at least 120 cases of dowry harassment in his career, “But unfortunately about 100 of the complainants had falsely implicated their husbands and husbands’ families.”
Advocate M T Nanaiah says that approximately 80 per cent of the 600 dowry-related cases he has handled over 32 years have turned out to be false implications. “Most of the remaining 20 per cent cases are mostly small disagreements that arise in every household. They get converted into dowry harassment cases.”

No warrant, no investigation

What is it about the anti-dowry law that makes such blatant misuse possible? First, the entire case hinges on the statement or allegations made by the wife.  A single oral complaint can land the husband’s family in jail. No investigation or warrant is needed before police arrest the husband or his family, or begin proceedings. It is non-bailable; the accused must appeal before the court to seek bail. It is not compoundable: the complaint cannot be withdrawn. Worst of all, there is no punishment against the petitioner if the complaint is proved false. Besides, legal experts argue, since the police do not require any proof before arrest, it takes away a basic human right.
“Once a woman lodges a complaint, the husband and his relatives are implicated. Even the police register complaints without investigation. They drag the husband, aged in-laws and even young children to the station. The charges may be proved false later, but a criminal record is a criminal record, after all,” says Shankarappa.
Lawyers say that most women who file false dowry complaints do so for a few common reasons: to get out of a marriage; to get money, or a favourable divorce settlement; if they had a premarital affair, and were married off by force; for child custody; if they want an attitude change in the behaviour of the husband or the family; to take revenge on their husbands, or in most cases, to get out of a joint family setup.
And ironically, the law that aims at helping women, ends up harassing women too. The Save Indian Family Foundation contends that on an average, 30,000 women are jailed every year in connection with dowry cases. “Once the woman files a complaint, the mother-in-law, sister-in-law are also arrested. Why restrict the law to protecting only the wife? What kind of protection do these women have?” asks Philip, whose family was falsely implicated in a case. Virag Dhulia, a member of the Bangalore Chapter of the Save Indian Family Foundation — an organisation that provides support to harassed husbands — narrates his horror story. “A few months after our wedding, my wife went back to her parents’ home and didn’t return. She said she wouldn’t return unless I agreed to live away from my parents. Then her family filed a dowry harassment case against us,” he says.
Dhulia recalls how his parents, who are in their sixties, suffered for months — the fear of being arrested, anxiety about the regular court visits, and the outcome of the case, the shame and humiliation, all adding to their health problems.
In what is probably the first such instance in the State, Dhulia has filed a complaint against his wife for giving dowry. “My wife has, in her complaint, stated that she and her parents gave me dowry in the presence of their relatives. According to the Dowry Prohibition Act, taking, giving and abetting the giving of dowry is a crime — the giver and taker are equally culpable. I have not accepted dowry; but if as per her claim, she says she has given dowry, then she is guilty too.”
He says that at first, the police refused to file an FIR. “Then I went to the ACMM Court. The magistrate there took cognizance of this complaint and asked the jurisdictional police to investigate into the matter and file a report,” he explains.
Even four months after the court’s order, no action has been taken, Dhulia alleges. “I have now filed an RTI application to get information about the progress of the investigation, but have still not received any info.”
Help is at hand
The social stigma was what prompted Arun Murthy, yet another ‘498A victim’ to set up Sangyabalya — a helpline for ‘husbands and families victimised by the anti-dowry laws.’
The helpline was set up in 2003, after Murthy’s sister-in-law filed a dowry harassment complaint against his younger brother. “She was from an orphanage, and she said we had demanded dowry. It was ridiculous,” Murthy says. After his entire family — including his mother and sister were implicated — Murthy’s brother, a hardware engineer, lost his job and became a mental wreck. “I saw how the system works — people are arrested on Friday evening, so they cannot get bail. They have to stay in jail till Monday. And consider this — if you are a government employee, and you are in jail for more than 24 hours, even if under false accusations, then your job is in jeopardy.”
Murthy then wrote to a newspaper, and received many calls from other victims. That’s when he set up a helpline for these harassed husbands. A few months later, Sangyabalya was registered as an NGO.  “A lot of people are on the verge of suicide after being arrested. We give them moral support.  Sometimes, the lawyers take them for a ride, so we extend legal aid too. But most importantly, it is a collective voice for proper representation of our problems,” he says.
The Save Indian Family Foundation, another organisation that aid people implicated under Section 498A, was first set up as an online community, but later evolved into an NGO. The Foundation now has set up helplines for men in distress. The members of the Bangalore chapter meet at Cubbon Park every Saturday. New members who approach the Foundation are given moral support, and legal advice. “Usually when someone is implicated like this, he tends to feel that he is the only one facing such a problem. When they come here and see that they are not alone, then they feel that they have some support.”
Members of the foundation, who come from various backgrounds — from software to government service — study the law and help each other with inputs on how to fight their cases.
There are several other organisations working for these ‘harassed husbands’, but most of them have common demands. “The problem arises from extravagant marriages. The giving and taking of dowry should be tackled. No one makes it a point to stop this at the source. After all, prevention is better than cure,” says Dhulia.
Murthy agrees, “There should be a mandatory registration of marriages with a record of all gifts exchanged. These gifts are referred to as dowry when things go wrong. And such disputes are family matters. There should be proper counselling available, before the woman goes to the police.”
He adds, “The law in itself is not bad. What we need is thorough checks and balances to ensure that it is not misused. We assume that women are all white and men, all black. We must acknowledge that there are shades of grey everywhere.”
But most important, these organisations say, is to make provision for action against those who file false complaints, and to ensure that no arrests are made without proper evidence. “Once the complainant sends her husband and his family to jail, chances of reconciliation are few. She thinks its a victory. But that’s the only victory, things go downhill from there,” Murthy says.
That probably underlines the need for a thorough review of the law as it exists now. The loopholes have to be plugged, activists say, and soon. For the welfare of the women, so that genuine victims of dowry harassment do not suffer because of those who have misused the law. That is the only hope, for the welfare of hundreds of women across the country.

(Some names have been changed to protect identities.)

Review necessary?

Justice J D Kapoor of the Delhi High Court had recommended a review of the dowry laws. He suggested that Sections 406 (misappropriation of dowry articles) and 498A (harassment for dowry) be made bailable and if necessary, compoundable, in cases where no grave physical injury has been inflicted.
He had observed, “There is a growing tendency to come out with inflated and exaggerated allegations roping in each and every relation of the husband and if one happens to be of higher status or of vulnerable standing, then he or she becomes an easy prey for blackmailing and bargaining.” Some suggestions of the judge are:
Such cases should be investigated by civil authorities, and cognisance taken only after findings. Only police officer above the rank of ACP should investigate harassment and misappropriation of items. A DCP should investigate dowry death cases.
When minor, schoolchildren are named, they should not be arrested or sent to court.

http://www.deccanherald.com/content/2615/marry-shades-grey.html

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Domestic violence claims men too

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 24, 2008

And they call it a man’s world? Indian men are victims of domestic violence too but can not even come out in open and cry like women do!

http://timesofindia .indiatimes. com/Bangalore/ Domestic_ violence_ claims_men_ too/articleshow/ 3876342.cms

BANGALORE: Family problems are the cause of most suicides in the country. While the number of suicides increased by 28% over the last decade, they went up by 3.8% in the past year. Only 5% of these are attributed to financial
reasons while family problems triggered 23.8%, according to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) which recently published the 2007 statistics.

Members of the Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF) on Monday drew attention to these statistics, which also show that every year, the number of men committing suicide is much higher than that of women.

More married men (57,593) committed suicide last year than married women (30,064). “In 11 years, 1,56,000 married men killed themselves due to domestic violence. Yet, the government doesn’t feel the need to protect
them. Society ridicules them as weak and irresponsible and cites financial reasons as the cause of their suicide. Also, there is a hue and cry when women commit suicide and the husbands’ family is dragged to the police station on suspicion that they must have forced her to suicide. For men, there is hardly any investigation, ” said Anil Kumar, secretary, SIFF.

The organization urged the government to set up a men’s welfare ministry and a national commission for men to study the problems, allocate a men’s budget, provide homes for those trapped in domestic violence, among other things.

Members of Children’s Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting (CRISP), a sister concern of SIFF, identified that men not allowed custody of their children was also an issue of concern leading to stress and depression among divorced men and, in some cases, suicide.

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Parents worsen rocky marriages

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 24, 2008

I completely agree: Shruti’s parents were so protective about their daughter that they wanted to control everything that happens in her life even after marriage. If they would not have interfered,  probably my wife and I would have understood each other and have had a happy married life.

*”Unwanted advice of parents should be avoided while tackling crisis situations in a relationship”*

A report published by a Florida-based marriage counsellor said parents may invariably accelerate the break up process if a marriage is on the rocks. “Unwanted advice of parents should be avoided while tackling crisis situations in a relationship. The couples ought to be independent to make their own decisions,” it said.

Dr Rajan Bhonsle, a Mumbaibased marriage counsellor says, “Parents are very possessive about their children. Somehow, they become jealous of the new person in their children’s life. They don’t want to give away their children
even after marriage and keep pouring in advice — which very often is one of the major causes of a marriage break up.” He feels the situation can become more vulnerable in the initial stage of a marriage, as there is a lack of understanding already, and parents’ biased advice just adds to it. This becomes an even bigger problem when the other partner is not liked by the parents.

However, Dr Jyoti Sangle, visiting psychiatrist at Hiranandani Hospital says, “A marriage is made between two mature individuals. They need to be responsible, and so you can’t solely blame parental advice for a split.” She says that parents always have a soft corner for their child, and so they often fail to analyse the situation rationally. It is also because there are so many personal and social emotions attached.

“Importantly, if a marriage is under stress, parents need to be informed about it. But always seek advice from professionals — someone who can look at the situation objectively, like marriage counsellors,” adds Dr Sangle.

Dr Bhonsle warns that as a mature individuals, couples must communicate with each other regularly and openly, as a lack of communication only adds to the problem. “Selfishness, ingratitude and lack of understanding are the
hallmarks of an unhappy marriage,” he adds, “And in this case, it is vital that the couple be independent enough to take their decisions.” Dr Sangle adds, “When you see problems in your marriage, always seek professional help. But understanding, communication and respect is important to keep a marriage alive.”
http://www.dc-epaper.com/DC/DCB/2008/12/23/ArticleHtmls/23_12_2008_110_004.shtml?Mode=1

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