Dedicated to my wife…

Read on to know what happens to men who marry in India

Be Vocal: Learning Series – 1

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 19, 2009

I will call this series ‘Learning Series’ – the intention is that the reader can learn from my mistakes.

Be Vocal: the problem with us men is that we do not talk.

When I was younger, I heard the following reality:

Question: How to spread news faster than BBC?’. Answer: Tell a woman!

We do not talk when our marriage is going through a rough time, we do not talk when we are involved in the legal battle, and we do not talk even after the battle is over. Let me take all the three phases separately:

Phase 1: Marriage going through a rough time

Have you ever seen a husband talking bad about his wife? The chances are very less, but one can surely imagine women discussing with other women the problems they have with their husbands.

That is the basis difference between men and women – that leads to increased problems for men.

Husband and wife will have some difference of opinion leading to an argument. Within 24 hours, the world will know the wife’s version of the argument.

Next time, you two have some disagreement – within 24 hours, the world will again know your wife’s version and start to think may be you are quarrelsome.

Third time, you get into a heated discussion, and your wife tells the world about it, the world will actually start to believe that u are illogical and ill-treat your wife.

Now, all this while you did not discuss about your problems with anyone, because you did not want to defame your wife, but she went around talking to the whole world about her problems, and slowly and steadily they started to believe that you are a problematic case.

Phase 2: Legal battle is going on

When the legal battle is going on, husbands prefer not to discuss it within their social circles; while wives will keep shouting on the top of their voice about how they were allegedly tortured for dowry!

In this whole process, the husband gets very secluded while the wife generates many supporters. The common people in our society always support the women by default. On top of that, she would keep on telling them sad stories and crying in front of them to generate even more sympathy and support.

Phase 3: Legal battle has ended

Nothing is permanent, so all legal battles also come to an end. Husband is acquitted in 98% of the dowry related cases (Refer to National Crime Research Bureau statistics), still wives keep on filing such cases? Why.

Because men are not vocal. When a wife manages to win a court battle, she would be vocal about her success, and 100 people would know about it. While, when a husband wins a court battle, he just keeps quiet about it. Hence, everyone hears more husbands losing court cases.

Hence, the potention 498a wives think that they would be able to torture their husbands in the courts (inspired by the success stories of their predecessors).

Summary: Bottling up of emotions and frustration inside is not good – neither for your health nor for your social standing. Health-wise, you would develop more and more stress, leading to medical ailments. Quit the conventional notion that being a man means being individualistic. One can share his problems and still be strong.

Be vocal, keep the society informed about what is happening with you – firstly it will help you win friends and secondly it will help the society understand that women perpetuate domestic violence too.

http://wp.me/plC3a-3b

Advertisements

17 Responses to “Be Vocal: Learning Series – 1”

  1. P S said

    Nice idea!

  2. Very well said. but idiotic and sleeping men will not understand its importance.

  3. vassuudev said

    Hi,

    I am moved by your story, normally we expect an IITan and IIM guy to be intellectual, but listening this really moved me.

    I think you must have loved your wife as every Man does,but our wifes will misuse the freedom and liberty that we have given.

    I have heard many times that being a Professional means to accept the Rules and Go by them..

    But i feel being a Professional means to challenge every thing that is unjust even it degrades our social and religious system which we have established for our own security.

    I have married , i use to abuse her, but she is so caretaking …then i started to like her.. I accept that not all marriages would result the same..

    But i feel we men need to Refute against those laws that were biased to certain sex, also i feel we need change the society stand point and stop Brainwashing a girls from early stage that All men are Sex maniacs ..

    I don’t Understand 2 things—In every INDIAN film why is it potrayed that every Hero is a Womenizer?, WHy only muslims need to play anti-hero role, Why always a heroine needs to be “WHITE”?, Why our country Women/Girls are so obessive of Fairness and Beauty?..

    As saying goes–
    ” Every women get a Face she deserves in Her 40’s”

    I dont know why we INDIANS hypocrites when it comes to SEX,PRE-MARITAL SEX,Polygamy….but in reality “SEX,SEWAGE,SEDUCTION” are seen in every nook of the country..

    I hope you might find a girl who understands you rather than Currency Fluctuations

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hi,

      Interesting comment. This leads to several thoughts in my mind:

      1. You normally would expect IIT and IIM guy to be intellectual, so you do not find me intellectual enough?

      2. You used to abuse your wife? Can you share some specific incidents?

      3. “stop Brainwashing a girls from early stage that All men are Sex maniacs” – well, most boys think the same too. This is very evident when you are in court. It is ‘externalization’ of their own persona beyond themselves. Some judges themselves are sex starved and would have abused women in the past, and they think all men are like that; and they feel “I will protect this women from all evil men in the world”, and the husband is the evil man present there.

      4. “our country Women/Girls are so obessive of Fairness and Beauty?..” – because women of our country were never expected to take any responsibilities. Their job was to sit at home and watch TV serials. The only selling point they had was ‘beauty’

  4. N said

    Hey ISLV, Is there a part 2 to this series?

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Actually not. When I wrote that article, I was intending to write subsequent articles in that series but never happened to write more. You seem to be a more recent victim, why don’t you write something and I would post it here (in addition to your posting it on your blog)?

      • N said

        Well would try up to write something.
        (BTW, where to send the writeup; there is no contact mail Id of yours?)

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        Please leave it as a comment here and I will make it a new post on the blog.

        If you like I can give you the ‘author’ rights to this blog but I think it is just easier that you leave a comment and I will do the needful

  5. N said

    Hi ISLV,
    Don’t you think that if a male tell his story then there are less chances of people agreeing to his story and there are more chances that people make a distance from him.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Call it sexual attraction or whatever but people do have a tendency to gravitate towards females always.

      Having said that, today there is enough awareness and hence people do believe that even men are tortured inside the 4 walls

  6. iluvMYpromiscousDesiWife said

    There has been a lot of media coverage on this issue. I have to dig up stats on Supreme court itself admitting that there are a lot of false dowry cases being filed.
    a) What if all the men belonging to a section which not perceived to be honest file their stories with the media e.g. lets say IIT/IIM 498a harassment victims form a group and communicate that society also suffers with the current provisions of 498a (e.g. I know people who were all set to return to India but don’t because of 498a. These people would have formed the core of entrepreneurs to help India’s growing economy. Now they won’t. )
    b) How do we ensure at the time of marriage that there is no possibility of false dowry cases being filed later. Will signing a legal contract saying that no dowry was taken suffice?
    c) I would also like this blog to cover the increasing trend of extra marital affaris. Typically, the single individual (woman in this case) would not be able to sustain a campaign of harassing a family. There has to be support. Either this support originates from family OR a kind of tactic advised by an attorney OR a boyfriend. I have seen the latter two. There is a famous attorney in Mumbai/Bandra. I have personally heard her advise a lady ‘498a laga do. Dar jayega’. This was said openly in front of other waiting clients (including men).

  7. A said

    Hi,
    Hatsoff to you for your approach and for your honest love that was/is for your divorced wife.
    And Thank you for your kindness in making awareness about the ill-system that few men have made in our society with illogical and unfair rules.

    I have few questions.
    1. Can a wife file 498a immediately after divorce?
    2. Can a wife file 498a after 6months of divorce?
    3. My wife left me second time and its been 5 months now, I am a NRI, Can my wife file 498a while I am abroad?

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hi A,

      Love in iluvshrutiverma is sarcasm!

      1. Yes
      2. Yes
      3. Yes she can file 498a while you are abroad – your location does not matter. May be it was a mistake to take her back!

      • A said

        Dear ilsv,
        Thank you very much for your prompt reply and may God shower his peace and blessings on you.
        Since the answer is YES for all of my questions, I need to be very careful though I believe that she will not file the case though she had threatened me in the past. Because I (used to) believe in honest love.
        Could you please advise me for precautions that I should take?
        1.I have a father, brothers and sisters. My wife never stayed in my parents’ home since marriage and she is in a different city now. What would happen once she files a case against me? What precautions my father, brothers and sisters should take?
        2.Please advise me how to handle and what precautions I need to take when I reach India to visit my parents.

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        Most of the times if they threaten it, then they do it. I should have listened – my ex-wife also told me that she will put me behind bars but I did not think it was going to happen. I thought marriage will be something too serious for them to take such an action for no big reasons; but then people are different.

        To answer your questions: It really does not matter whether she lived with them or not. What happens once she files a case? That is a long story to explain but try researching online for details. It also depends on the city – some cities have a bigger role of women’s cell/ mahila thana. Otherwise it’s the standard FIR, arrest, Chargesheet, Trial / Quash story.

        One more thing – she will file the case in her city – make all efforts to get it transferred out of there.

        Also search for anticipatory bail on iitbiimb498a.wordpress.com

  8. A said

    Dear ilsv,
    Thank you very much for your prompt reply and may God shower his peace and blessings on you.
    Since the answer is YES for all of my questions, I need to be very careful though I believe that she will not file the case though she had threatened me in the past. Because I (used to) believe in honest love.
    Could you please advise me for precautions that I should take?
    1.I have a father, brothers and sisters. My wife never stayed in my parents’ home since marriage and she is in a different city now. What would happen once she files a case against me? What precautions my father, brothers and sisters should take?
    2.Please advise me how to handle and what precautions I need to take when I reach India to visit my parents.

  9. A said

    Dear ilsv,
    In almost all 498a cases, the wife wants to take revenge on the husband & his family for his DISOBEYING to her(while the fact is that wife should be obedient to her husband, like the son to his father, like the daughter to her mother, like an employee to his boss means that father can scold his son but the son should not, the mother can scold her daughter but the daughter should not, the boss can scold his employee but the employee should not, however they all can correct their husband, father, mother, boss in an obedient way, ie in case of making any decision, the final decision made by husband should be final, not that husband should behave strictly but hear to his better half often and take decisions with good wisdom. I am explaining this for those mean feminist who think they want to be treated in equality, while they dont understand what equality means and what obedience means).

    In almost all those cases, the wife or wife’s parents are either psychos or of aggressively violent nature or crooked. The wife becomes successful in the first stage of filing 498a case ie. before going to court by using corrupt services of the Goonda Police. ie: The arrest of husband, his parents and every related person is arrested and put behind bars, which is the greatest event for the wife. This is really unfair and biased law which punishes and harrasses innocent people before the judgement itself.

    Need for ammending 498a law:
    There should be no arrest before judgement. The arrest should be only in cases where the death of a wife occurs due to unnatural reasons etc.
    I believe there are ‘Men Welfare Societies’ coming up and many Fair Human Rights Organizations and all Wise Men & Women need to act, need to ammend the 498a law by incorporating No Arrest ie; No involvement of Police. The case should directly go into the courts and the court shall issue notice to the respondents to appear in the court. If all evidences are available with the respondent then his advocate can go on behalf of the respondent with the evidences. etc. etc…

    I need to know, if there is some movement for ammending then who are actively participating and what is the status of such a movement.

    And one advice for Crooked Advocates and Corrupt Police, if they do not act wisely thinking that such amendments will stop their demand or sources of corruption then they should keep in mind one thing that they too are husbands to some wife, they too have sons married to some woman and if these women(wives or daughters-in-law) go psychopaths and file the case against them then they will understand on that day that they too should have acted for the balance of society.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: