Dedicated to my wife…

Read on to know what happens to men who marry in India

Posts Tagged ‘learning series’

Be Vocal: Learning Series – 1

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 19, 2009

I will call this series ‘Learning Series’ – the intention is that the reader can learn from my mistakes.

Be Vocal: the problem with us men is that we do not talk.

When I was younger, I heard the following reality:

Question: How to spread news faster than BBC?’. Answer: Tell a woman!

We do not talk when our marriage is going through a rough time, we do not talk when we are involved in the legal battle, and we do not talk even after the battle is over. Let me take all the three phases separately:

Phase 1: Marriage going through a rough time

Have you ever seen a husband talking bad about his wife? The chances are very less, but one can surely imagine women discussing with other women the problems they have with their husbands.

That is the basis difference between men and women – that leads to increased problems for men.

Husband and wife will have some difference of opinion leading to an argument. Within 24 hours, the world will know the wife’s version of the argument.

Next time, you two have some disagreement – within 24 hours, the world will again know your wife’s version and start to think may be you are quarrelsome.

Third time, you get into a heated discussion, and your wife tells the world about it, the world will actually start to believe that u are illogical and ill-treat your wife.

Now, all this while you did not discuss about your problems with anyone, because you did not want to defame your wife, but she went around talking to the whole world about her problems, and slowly and steadily they started to believe that you are a problematic case.

Phase 2: Legal battle is going on

When the legal battle is going on, husbands prefer not to discuss it within their social circles; while wives will keep shouting on the top of their voice about how they were allegedly tortured for dowry!

In this whole process, the husband gets very secluded while the wife generates many supporters. The common people in our society always support the women by default. On top of that, she would keep on telling them sad stories and crying in front of them to generate even more sympathy and support.

Phase 3: Legal battle has ended

Nothing is permanent, so all legal battles also come to an end. Husband is acquitted in 98% of the dowry related cases (Refer to National Crime Research Bureau statistics), still wives keep on filing such cases? Why.

Because men are not vocal. When a wife manages to win a court battle, she would be vocal about her success, and 100 people would know about it. While, when a husband wins a court battle, he just keeps quiet about it. Hence, everyone hears more husbands losing court cases.

Hence, the potention 498a wives think that they would be able to torture their husbands in the courts (inspired by the success stories of their predecessors).

Summary: Bottling up of emotions and frustration inside is not good – neither for your health nor for your social standing. Health-wise, you would develop more and more stress, leading to medical ailments. Quit the conventional notion that being a man means being individualistic. One can share his problems and still be strong.

Be vocal, keep the society informed about what is happening with you – firstly it will help you win friends and secondly it will help the society understand that women perpetuate domestic violence too.

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