Dedicated to my wife…

Read on to know what happens to men who marry in India

Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Are guys more ‘physical’ than girls?

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on February 20, 2010

Today, we had an office weekend picnic. Friends and families of employees were also invited. In between the younger crowd the discussion quite often drifts to romance and affair.

I witnessed this healthy discussion about the physical needs of boys versus girls. The girls were arguing that guys often need girls only for their physical needs. The boys had their share of beliefs.

There is one opinion that really caught my attention. A guy mentioned the following:

“I need physical as well as emotional love. Girls are so manipulative that it is impossible to trust them. Today she is with me and tomorrow she will be with someone else. We enter into any human alliance because we want to gain something. Emotional aspects of a human association mean more to me, but those can be proven only over a period of time. Girls are either fickle minded or they have a tendency to keep switching partners, hence I concentrate on physical aspects in the beginning of a relationship.

Emotional aspects materialize only over a period of time. Girls are usually not stable. A relationship costs time, money, emotions and I do not wish to be taken for a ride for several months without gaining anything out of it.”

Most people weren’t very pleased with this attitude, but them most of the world is feminist – who pamper women.

http://wp.me/plC3a-bJ

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Mothers-in-law group to fight cruelty by Daughters-in-law

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on September 9, 2009

Mothers-in-law of India group together to fight against the cruelty by their daughters-in-law.

The news is covered by BBC as well as countries like Russia and Gulf.

All India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF) news at BBC :
 http://news. bbc.co.uk/ 2/hi/south_ asia/8241275. stm

http://www.gulf- times.com/ site/topics/ article.asp? cu_no=2&item_ no=313453& version=1& template_ id=40&parent_ id=22

http://www.dnaindia .com/mumbai/ report_we- are-victims- not-vamps- mums-in-law_ 1288123 says “It’s official. The saas-bahu soaps have got it wrong. Contrary to what reel households portray, mothers-in-law are seldom the villain of the piece in real domestic settings.

The latest round of the National Family Health Survey (NFHS) shows that
young women face maximum domestic violence from their own parents rather than in-laws. Armed with the data, over 700 women have joined hands to launch the All-India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF) to break their stereotyping as vamps, and demand protection against violence and abuse by daughters-in- law”

According to the NFHS report, 13.7% women faced violence from their
mother as against 1.7% tormented by their mother-in-law. Among unmarried women, 57.1%, and among women who were married but whose send-off ceremonies were yet to take place, 64.3% reported family members, particularly mothers, as perpetrators of violence against them.”*

All data can be found at page 548 of the following report

http://www.nfhsindi a.org/NFHS- 3%20Data/ VOL-1/India_ volume_I_ corrected_ 17oct08.pdf

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The beaten husbands’ club

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on June 20, 2009

Poor Indian husbands as usual getting taunted and beaten by their wives

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Be Vocal: Learning Series – 1

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 19, 2009

I will call this series ‘Learning Series’ – the intention is that the reader can learn from my mistakes.

Be Vocal: the problem with us men is that we do not talk.

When I was younger, I heard the following reality:

Question: How to spread news faster than BBC?’. Answer: Tell a woman!

We do not talk when our marriage is going through a rough time, we do not talk when we are involved in the legal battle, and we do not talk even after the battle is over. Let me take all the three phases separately:

Phase 1: Marriage going through a rough time

Have you ever seen a husband talking bad about his wife? The chances are very less, but one can surely imagine women discussing with other women the problems they have with their husbands.

That is the basis difference between men and women – that leads to increased problems for men.

Husband and wife will have some difference of opinion leading to an argument. Within 24 hours, the world will know the wife’s version of the argument.

Next time, you two have some disagreement – within 24 hours, the world will again know your wife’s version and start to think may be you are quarrelsome.

Third time, you get into a heated discussion, and your wife tells the world about it, the world will actually start to believe that u are illogical and ill-treat your wife.

Now, all this while you did not discuss about your problems with anyone, because you did not want to defame your wife, but she went around talking to the whole world about her problems, and slowly and steadily they started to believe that you are a problematic case.

Phase 2: Legal battle is going on

When the legal battle is going on, husbands prefer not to discuss it within their social circles; while wives will keep shouting on the top of their voice about how they were allegedly tortured for dowry!

In this whole process, the husband gets very secluded while the wife generates many supporters. The common people in our society always support the women by default. On top of that, she would keep on telling them sad stories and crying in front of them to generate even more sympathy and support.

Phase 3: Legal battle has ended

Nothing is permanent, so all legal battles also come to an end. Husband is acquitted in 98% of the dowry related cases (Refer to National Crime Research Bureau statistics), still wives keep on filing such cases? Why.

Because men are not vocal. When a wife manages to win a court battle, she would be vocal about her success, and 100 people would know about it. While, when a husband wins a court battle, he just keeps quiet about it. Hence, everyone hears more husbands losing court cases.

Hence, the potention 498a wives think that they would be able to torture their husbands in the courts (inspired by the success stories of their predecessors).

Summary: Bottling up of emotions and frustration inside is not good – neither for your health nor for your social standing. Health-wise, you would develop more and more stress, leading to medical ailments. Quit the conventional notion that being a man means being individualistic. One can share his problems and still be strong.

Be vocal, keep the society informed about what is happening with you – firstly it will help you win friends and secondly it will help the society understand that women perpetuate domestic violence too.

http://wp.me/plC3a-3b

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Harassed husband commits suicide

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 17, 2009

BANGALORE: Lokesh (30), who was called by the Nandini Layout police for a settlement in a family dispute, allegedly consumed poison before entering the police station on Thursday and breathed his last on Saturday morning. The family held his wife responsible for his act and demanded compensation.

Following a missing complaint lodged by Poornima about her husband who had allegedly gone missing six months ago, Nandini Layout police had started the investigation.

“We were informed that Lokesh had come to the city and told his parents to send him to the station.

Poornima had alleged dowry harassment and that Lokesh’s parents had hidden him, and they planned to get him married again. As per the law, we had called Lokesh’s parents to the station for questioning earlier” said Sunil Kumar HT, Inspector Nandini Layout police station.

A relative said that Lokesh was being harassed by Poornima and this is his second suicide attempt.

http://www.expressbuzz.com/edition/story.aspx?Title=%E2%80%98Harassed%E2%80%99+husband+commits+suicide&artid=QlzZUAwpVaA=&SectionID=Qz/kHVp9tEs=&MainSectionID=wIcBMLGbUJI=&SectionName=UOaHCPTTmuP3XGzZRCAUTQ==&SEO=

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Dog exempted from appearing in court

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 17, 2009

Chhotu, a dog who has been dragged in a 10 month old case, finally got a repreive from a court here from making rounds of courtroom for its production in a case lodged against his mistress for breaching peace and tranquillity.

Sub-Divisional Officer Ashwini Dattatrey Thackeray yesterday dropped a case against Chhotu’s mistress Raj Kumari Devi on the ground that the time-frame fixed under section 107 of CrPC for hearing the case has expired.

The six-month time-frame has already expired in the case and hence it was being dropped against Raj Kumari Devi, the SDO said.

The court has dropped the case on technical ground and it was never heard on its merit as the case has been deferred for umpteen times during floods and Lok Sabha elections since the filing of the case in July last year, said Dilip Kumar Dipak who defended the dog and his mistress.

The court had ordered that the mongrel would be produced on every date alongwith his mistress Raj Kumari Devi but since the case stood no longer, the pet animal would not be required to appear in the court, the counsel said.

Shambhu Das and Jagdish Das had alleged that the dog was mad and could cause serious injuries to the residents of Tatmatoli locality of the town area.

http://www.ndtv.com/news/offbeat/dog_gets_relief_from_making_rounds_of_court.php

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Marry shades of grey!

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on May 16, 2009

Read below an article from Deccan Herald where it says girls think guys are hiding some ‘handicaps’ if they do not ask for dowry!

Harassed husbands? The SC’s recent observation calling for a review of dowry laws (on the grounds that they are often misused) might have women’s organisations up in arms but more and more ‘harassed’ husbands have been raising their voices after being falsely implicated. Sriranjitha Jeurkar investigates why many dowry cases no longer remain plain black and white today

My name is Kumar. I am 28 years old. I wanted to marry a poor girl, so that I could help a poor family. When I told my father about this, he suggested that I marry the daughter of one of his distant relatives, from a town in Andhra Pradesh. I believed that when he had chosen nothing but the best for me until now, he could not go wrong in this decision either. I agreed. I didn’t know much about the family, except that the girl’s father was a bus conductor. We demanded no dowry and even agreed to foot the wedding expenses.
It was a perfect wedding. My wife and I lived together for a month and she went back to her home for some rituals. That’s when I realised I had contracted a sexually transmitted disease from her. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents. When I asked my wife about it, she confessed that she had had an affair with someone else and had married me due to pressure from her family. “You didn’t ask for dowry, so we thought you had something to hide too,” she said.
I was shocked. But I wanted to save my marriage, so I asked her to come with me for treatment. She wasn’t interested. She told me that she would give me a divorce by mutual consent if I gave her Rs 5 lakh. And she didn’t want to discuss the matter with her parents because she was afraid they’d take away the money from her.
Still, I was glad she had told me the truth. I told my parents. Then my company sent me abroad for a project. We applied for divorce by mutual consent, and before I left, both of us went to the family court on six occasions. After I returned to India, she went back home saying that her mother was ill, and didn’t return — not even to attend the hearings. All of a sudden, she started saying that she didn’t want a divorce, and demanded that I pay her Rs 25,000 a month as maintenance. She claimed that I was earning far more than I really was, that my family had a lot of property (which is untrue) and said we had thrown her out of the house because she refused to bring Rs 2 lakh from her parents. She claimed that her family had spent a sum of Rs 10 lakh to conduct the wedding. She even went to the extent of saying that we had forged her signature on the divorce petition!
She filed a dowry case, and I was named as an accused — along with my mother, dad, cousin and aunt. I was taken into custody and stayed there for seven days, despite my family producing documents, which refuted her claims. She told me that if I paid her Rs 10 lakh in cash, she would withdraw the case. But she also had another demand —that I give it to her in writing that I am impotent.
My aged parents had to wait for three months to get bail. We were stripped, and our fingerprints taken, as if we were petty criminals.
Until then, we knew very little about the law, and even less about Section 498A. My parents, at one point were on the verge of committing suicide. Due to all the stress, my performance at work suffered. I was terminated. Three years later, the case is still on — and I am still looking for a job. I received three job offers — all of which were withdrawn once they conducted a background check and found out that I had a case pending against me. My future looks uncertain, but there’s one thing I’m sure about: I have lost faith in the institution of marriage. I will never marry again.

Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code (Dowry Prohibition and Prevention of Marital Cruelty) is aimed at protecting the woman from harassment — from either her husband or her in-laws. But the loopholes in the law have led to misuse by women across the country. The common perception, that a helpless woman is abused for dowry by her husband’s family and the law is her only saviour — is being turned on its head.
Bangalore-based advocate Shankarappa, who has been practicing law for the last 18 years, handling many high-profile cases, says that he has seen at least 120 cases of dowry harassment in his career, “But unfortunately about 100 of the complainants had falsely implicated their husbands and husbands’ families.”
Advocate M T Nanaiah says that approximately 80 per cent of the 600 dowry-related cases he has handled over 32 years have turned out to be false implications. “Most of the remaining 20 per cent cases are mostly small disagreements that arise in every household. They get converted into dowry harassment cases.”

No warrant, no investigation

What is it about the anti-dowry law that makes such blatant misuse possible? First, the entire case hinges on the statement or allegations made by the wife.  A single oral complaint can land the husband’s family in jail. No investigation or warrant is needed before police arrest the husband or his family, or begin proceedings. It is non-bailable; the accused must appeal before the court to seek bail. It is not compoundable: the complaint cannot be withdrawn. Worst of all, there is no punishment against the petitioner if the complaint is proved false. Besides, legal experts argue, since the police do not require any proof before arrest, it takes away a basic human right.
“Once a woman lodges a complaint, the husband and his relatives are implicated. Even the police register complaints without investigation. They drag the husband, aged in-laws and even young children to the station. The charges may be proved false later, but a criminal record is a criminal record, after all,” says Shankarappa.
Lawyers say that most women who file false dowry complaints do so for a few common reasons: to get out of a marriage; to get money, or a favourable divorce settlement; if they had a premarital affair, and were married off by force; for child custody; if they want an attitude change in the behaviour of the husband or the family; to take revenge on their husbands, or in most cases, to get out of a joint family setup.
And ironically, the law that aims at helping women, ends up harassing women too. The Save Indian Family Foundation contends that on an average, 30,000 women are jailed every year in connection with dowry cases. “Once the woman files a complaint, the mother-in-law, sister-in-law are also arrested. Why restrict the law to protecting only the wife? What kind of protection do these women have?” asks Philip, whose family was falsely implicated in a case. Virag Dhulia, a member of the Bangalore Chapter of the Save Indian Family Foundation — an organisation that provides support to harassed husbands — narrates his horror story. “A few months after our wedding, my wife went back to her parents’ home and didn’t return. She said she wouldn’t return unless I agreed to live away from my parents. Then her family filed a dowry harassment case against us,” he says.
Dhulia recalls how his parents, who are in their sixties, suffered for months — the fear of being arrested, anxiety about the regular court visits, and the outcome of the case, the shame and humiliation, all adding to their health problems.
In what is probably the first such instance in the State, Dhulia has filed a complaint against his wife for giving dowry. “My wife has, in her complaint, stated that she and her parents gave me dowry in the presence of their relatives. According to the Dowry Prohibition Act, taking, giving and abetting the giving of dowry is a crime — the giver and taker are equally culpable. I have not accepted dowry; but if as per her claim, she says she has given dowry, then she is guilty too.”
He says that at first, the police refused to file an FIR. “Then I went to the ACMM Court. The magistrate there took cognizance of this complaint and asked the jurisdictional police to investigate into the matter and file a report,” he explains.
Even four months after the court’s order, no action has been taken, Dhulia alleges. “I have now filed an RTI application to get information about the progress of the investigation, but have still not received any info.”
Help is at hand
The social stigma was what prompted Arun Murthy, yet another ‘498A victim’ to set up Sangyabalya — a helpline for ‘husbands and families victimised by the anti-dowry laws.’
The helpline was set up in 2003, after Murthy’s sister-in-law filed a dowry harassment complaint against his younger brother. “She was from an orphanage, and she said we had demanded dowry. It was ridiculous,” Murthy says. After his entire family — including his mother and sister were implicated — Murthy’s brother, a hardware engineer, lost his job and became a mental wreck. “I saw how the system works — people are arrested on Friday evening, so they cannot get bail. They have to stay in jail till Monday. And consider this — if you are a government employee, and you are in jail for more than 24 hours, even if under false accusations, then your job is in jeopardy.”
Murthy then wrote to a newspaper, and received many calls from other victims. That’s when he set up a helpline for these harassed husbands. A few months later, Sangyabalya was registered as an NGO.  “A lot of people are on the verge of suicide after being arrested. We give them moral support.  Sometimes, the lawyers take them for a ride, so we extend legal aid too. But most importantly, it is a collective voice for proper representation of our problems,” he says.
The Save Indian Family Foundation, another organisation that aid people implicated under Section 498A, was first set up as an online community, but later evolved into an NGO. The Foundation now has set up helplines for men in distress. The members of the Bangalore chapter meet at Cubbon Park every Saturday. New members who approach the Foundation are given moral support, and legal advice. “Usually when someone is implicated like this, he tends to feel that he is the only one facing such a problem. When they come here and see that they are not alone, then they feel that they have some support.”
Members of the foundation, who come from various backgrounds — from software to government service — study the law and help each other with inputs on how to fight their cases.
There are several other organisations working for these ‘harassed husbands’, but most of them have common demands. “The problem arises from extravagant marriages. The giving and taking of dowry should be tackled. No one makes it a point to stop this at the source. After all, prevention is better than cure,” says Dhulia.
Murthy agrees, “There should be a mandatory registration of marriages with a record of all gifts exchanged. These gifts are referred to as dowry when things go wrong. And such disputes are family matters. There should be proper counselling available, before the woman goes to the police.”
He adds, “The law in itself is not bad. What we need is thorough checks and balances to ensure that it is not misused. We assume that women are all white and men, all black. We must acknowledge that there are shades of grey everywhere.”
But most important, these organisations say, is to make provision for action against those who file false complaints, and to ensure that no arrests are made without proper evidence. “Once the complainant sends her husband and his family to jail, chances of reconciliation are few. She thinks its a victory. But that’s the only victory, things go downhill from there,” Murthy says.
That probably underlines the need for a thorough review of the law as it exists now. The loopholes have to be plugged, activists say, and soon. For the welfare of the women, so that genuine victims of dowry harassment do not suffer because of those who have misused the law. That is the only hope, for the welfare of hundreds of women across the country.

(Some names have been changed to protect identities.)

Review necessary?

Justice J D Kapoor of the Delhi High Court had recommended a review of the dowry laws. He suggested that Sections 406 (misappropriation of dowry articles) and 498A (harassment for dowry) be made bailable and if necessary, compoundable, in cases where no grave physical injury has been inflicted.
He had observed, “There is a growing tendency to come out with inflated and exaggerated allegations roping in each and every relation of the husband and if one happens to be of higher status or of vulnerable standing, then he or she becomes an easy prey for blackmailing and bargaining.” Some suggestions of the judge are:
Such cases should be investigated by civil authorities, and cognisance taken only after findings. Only police officer above the rank of ACP should investigate harassment and misappropriation of items. A DCP should investigate dowry death cases.
When minor, schoolchildren are named, they should not be arrested or sent to court.

http://www.deccanherald.com/content/2615/marry-shades-grey.html

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Wife declares husband Dead for Pension

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 31, 2008

Indian women are great – they can go to any extent for their selfish motives. Wife declares the husband dead for getting his pension money and now the husband is running arond courts to prove that he is alive!

‘Dead’ man in legal battle to prove he’s alive

30 Dec 2008, 1632 hrs IST, PTI

http://timesofindia .indiatimes. com/India/ Dead_man_ in_legal_ battle_to_ prove_hes_ alive/articlesho w/3913610. cms

KHARAR, PUNJAB: Sital Singh Bagi’s life sounds like a script of a Bollywood masala flick.

The 67-year-old ex-IAF man has been fighting a nine-year legal battle to prove that he is the “real” Sital Singh Bagi and not “dead” as his family had got him declared after he fled home allegedly to escape terrorists and did not surface for a decade.

A retired warrant officer of Indian Air Force (IAF), Bagi claimed he was settled with his family and owned a milk dairy in Delhi when three terrorists confronted him in December 1987 and asked him to join their group.

The terrorists threatened to kill him and a terrorized Bagi left his wife and four children at his ancestral house in Gurdittpura village in Patiala and fled, he claimed.

Bagi said he went to Orissa, where he spent 3-4 years, and then moved to Kolkata, before going to Dhaka in Bangladesh, where he became a priest at Gurdwara Nanak Shahi.

Bagi said he returned to his native place in December 1998 as he was “no longer afraid”, but his wife refused to recognize him and so did his children..

They also threatened him with “dire consequences” , if he again approached them, Bagi alleged.

He then went to the IAF authorities for release of his pension, but was shocked when he was told that his name was struck off the pension rolls and his wife was getting the pension after she produced a court decree declaring him dead.

Bagi moved a civil court in Rajpura in 1999 to get the decree declared null and void and for restoration of pension.

Though the court prevented Bagi’s wife from further withdrawing the family pension it reserved its order on the previous court decree pronounced in November 1996.

IAF officer incharge (Pensions) Wg Cdr P.R. Sudhakar said that Bagi had “reappeared” but his pension could not be restored till a decision on the civil suit comes.

In a statement filed before the court, the IAF officials had not disputed the identity of Bagi while Naseeb Kaur said that she cannot say that plaintiff is same Sital Singh with whom she got married.

Though Bagi’s claim was corroborated by Gurdittpura village sarpanch Mohan Singh and two other villagers in court, Bagi’s wife and children have yet to conclude their evidence.

Bagi’s counsel Rajinder Singh Raju said the case is in advanced stage and February 15 has been fixed as next date of hearing. “We have produced documentary and physical evidence beyond any doubt to prove that Bagi is alive,” Raju said.

Bagi also filed a complaint before Patiala police in July 2008 against his wife and sons seeking criminal action but the police asked him to pursue his case in the court.

Left with no source of income or shelter, Bagi is now being taken care of by one of his old service mates in Chamkaur Sahib, near Ropar.

“I procured evidence of several of my service colleagues and native village head, but I’m still waiting for the court order,” he rued.

However, Naseeb says, “I got married to Sital Singh and two sons were born from our wedlock but I cannot say this man is my husband or not.”

“My husband disappeared in 1987. I lodged his missing report with the police and after he failed to appear, I got a police investigation report certifying that he could not be traced despite their best efforts.”

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Aamir Khan starrer Ghajini creates problems for married men

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 31, 2008

Aamir Khan starrer Ghajini is creating problems for married men. Wives are getting ever-new ideas to control their husbands……

new-gajini1

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Do people get justice in courts?

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 30, 2008

With 2.94 crore cases pending in the Indian courts, can people really expect to get a justice during their lifetime?

12/29/2008
http://www.indlawnews.com/Newsdisplay.aspx?b294f581 -f66f-459c-affb-c0518a3caf82

Supreme Court Judge S B Sinha said as many as 2.94 crore cases, including petty cases, were pending with the court till date.

Addressing a two-day inauguration meeting on the legal awareness programme on mediation, human rights and social development for judicial officers organised by A P State Legal Services Authority, Chittoor district Legal Services Authority in collaboration with the Department of Human Rights and Social Development (S V University),
the Justice said all the pending cases will be disposed by 2020 and the awareness training attended by judges from Andhra Pradesh will be useful to settle the cases early at regional level instead of the Supreme Court.

There is no civil courts in America and having only criminal courts but whereas 70 per cent of the cases belongs to civil and remaining 30 per cent are criminal and others are registering at various courts in the country while some of the cases including family cases can be settled at their village level itself with the assistance of police, he added.

All necessary steps have been taken to settle the cases through mobile courts in Andhra Pradesh, Andhra Pradesh High Court Chief Justice Anil Ramesh Dave said .

Among those who participated in the inaugural meeting were Andhra Pradesh High Court Judge and Chairperson of A P State Legal Services Authority Justice Meenakumari, APHLSC Chairman Justice D S R Varma and all District Judges of Andhra Pradesh.

UNI

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