Dedicated to my wife…

Read on to know what happens to men who marry in India

Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Man gets divorce after fighting for 30 years

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on January 18, 2011

OCTOGENARIAN J. M. Kohli correctly anticipates the most obvious question related to his unique case – why divorce at 80?

“We never thought of ourselves as each other’s spouse We have been fighting from the beginning – she for money, I for separation,” he said. From his marriage on June 20, 1953, till the Delhi High Court’s final nod to his divorce from Kanta on January 13 this year, Kohli remembers having fought seven different court cases, three of which are still on in various courts, in the feud.

Kohli first filed for divorce in 1982, and a trial court granted it, but Kanta filed a petition against the ruling in the high court, claiming she had not been heard. Kohli regrets that the best years of his life – the nearly 30 years since he filed for divorce – were spent in rushing from one court to another, hearing to hearing.

And a lot has happened in between – an alleged attempt on his life, a brain haemorrhage, being abandoned by his family, untimely transfers to remote areas, unsubstantiated charges of corruption, obstacles to promotion and pension, lost parenthood and a missing marital life. What does a couple willing to part ways and start life afresh do when asked by the court to wait till it delivers its judgment?

A trial court takes four to five years to decide such matters, the high court, on the other hand, takes 10- 15 years, by when all plans to begin marital life anew fails. It is during this stressful time when a person feels the need for love and companionship of this necessity then,” Kohli’s counsel Geeta Luthra said.

Kanta’s counsel Rajat Navet also agreed that the case shouldn’t have dragged on for so long. ” We were just fighting the case to absolve my client of charges of cruelty to her husband. There was no other motive,” he said. Kanta chose not to comment. Kohli said the years he spent in abandonment – when his first wife allegedly threw him out of the house he had built – were the most stressful.

His frail frame quivering with anger, Kohli alleges that his wife took his money and the jewellery he had inherited and later accused him of demanding a dowry which she couldn’t prove, besides the charge of his alleged corruption.

“Kanta’s brother was a senior bureaucrat and made my life miserable. He kept me moving to remote areas like the Andaman and Nicobar Islands,” Kohli said. But Kohli’s connection with courts, it seems, is here to stay. ” I have to go to a court in Saket on the 20th, the next day I’ll be at the Delhi High Court for another case and on February 18, I have to be at the Tis Hazari courts,” he said.

http://in.news.yahoo.com/life-on-hold-while-court-dithered-over-divorce-.html

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Men, Math and Marriage

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 22, 2009

Posted in international | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

All India Men’s Welfare Association (AIMWA)

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on October 12, 2009

Launch of “All India Men’s Welfare Association (AIMWA)”

11 October 2009

Venue: Public Gardens, Opposite Jubilee Hall
Hyderabad, India

Why do we need an “All India Men’s Welfare Association”?

Welfare of boys and men has been seriously neglected in India over the last two decades. While proudly championing the cause of women’s rights and women’s empowerment, the government and society tacitly approved the propagation of anti-male sentiments, condoned the resultant diminution in value of men’s lives and supported blatant violation of men’s rights through discriminatory laws and policies. The growing apathy of the government and society towards the sufferings of men has necessitated the formation of an All India Men’s Welfare Association.

It has to be noted that while men still perform some of the most risky and challenging jobs in the society, and while the Government of India collects 82% of its tax revenue from men, not a single rupee has been allocated in the name of men’s welfare in the country’s budget in the last 60 years.

The National Family Health Survey, conducted by the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, does not consider men’s health and welfare important. Enormous focus on women and children, and the mention of men only in relation to how they should contribute to the health and welfare of women and children, clearly indicates the apathy of the Government towards men.

The homepage of the Animal Welfare Board of India (AWBI) cites Vardhamana Mahavira, the sage of total non-violence, who said, “All beings are fond of themselves, they like pleasure, they hate pain, they shun destruction, they like life and want to live long. To all, life is dear; hence their life should be protected.” While Mahavira’s teachings seem to have inspired the Indian Government to assign a separate ministry to look after issues of Animal Welfare through AWBI, the same Government did not see any necessity to establish a Ministry for Men’s Welfare.

Several laws have been passed in the last 60 years in the name of protection of women and their empowerment. However, there are no laws to protect boys and men from any form of abuse or harassment within and outside the home. Men are being subjected to severe discrimination under law, and their basic human rights are being violated every day in the name of more and more legal provisions that claim to empower and protect women.

Thousands of men are becoming victims of “legal terrorism” unleashed through laws like Indian Penal Code Section 498A, Protection of Women Against Domestic Violence Act, adultery laws, laws against rape and sexual harassment, and even divorce, maintenance and child custody laws.

While society is applauding more and more women getting educated, entering the job market and challenging their traditional roles within the family and society, men are still being shackled to their traditional duties of protecting and providing for women, children and the aged.

The growing disregard and hatred against men in our society is forcing more than 56,000 Indian men to end their lives every year. According to statistics obtained from the National Crime Records Bureau, every year, twice as many married men, compared to women, commit suicides unable to withstand verbal, emotional, economic and physical abuse and legal harassment. Deaths of these men make for the brief stories we often read in newspapers stating that a certain man “killed himself due to family issues or financial problems”. While every death of a young married woman is converted into a case of dowry death leading to immediate arrest of the husband and in-laws, accompanied by media-hype, male-bashing and breast-beating, large-scale suicides of men do not cause any outrage in the society.

Domestic and social harmony will prevail only when women AND men are ensured their rightful, honorable place within and outside the home. In addition, when we ensure true gender equality under law, litigations will be reduced, legal terrorism and extortion through misuse of the law will be eliminated, and our human and financial resources can be employed for betterment of the society and the country.

The aim of AIMWA is to work towards providing protection for men and boys against gender discrimination, domestic violence, sexual harassment and other forms of abuse. The organization will also focus on related issues like physical and mental health of men, and the need for social changes, policy reforms and legal solutions to men’s problems.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments »

Mothers-in-law group to fight cruelty by Daughters-in-law

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on September 9, 2009

Mothers-in-law of India group together to fight against the cruelty by their daughters-in-law.

The news is covered by BBC as well as countries like Russia and Gulf.

All India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF) news at BBC :
 http://news. bbc.co.uk/ 2/hi/south_ asia/8241275. stm

http://www.gulf- times.com/ site/topics/ article.asp? cu_no=2&item_ no=313453& version=1& template_ id=40&parent_ id=22

http://www.dnaindia .com/mumbai/ report_we- are-victims- not-vamps- mums-in-law_ 1288123 says “It’s official. The saas-bahu soaps have got it wrong. Contrary to what reel households portray, mothers-in-law are seldom the villain of the piece in real domestic settings.

The latest round of the National Family Health Survey (NFHS) shows that
young women face maximum domestic violence from their own parents rather than in-laws. Armed with the data, over 700 women have joined hands to launch the All-India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF) to break their stereotyping as vamps, and demand protection against violence and abuse by daughters-in- law”

According to the NFHS report, 13.7% women faced violence from their
mother as against 1.7% tormented by their mother-in-law. Among unmarried women, 57.1%, and among women who were married but whose send-off ceremonies were yet to take place, 64.3% reported family members, particularly mothers, as perpetrators of violence against them.”*

All data can be found at page 548 of the following report

http://www.nfhsindi a.org/NFHS- 3%20Data/ VOL-1/India_ volume_I_ corrected_ 17oct08.pdf

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Wife declares husband Dead for Pension

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 31, 2008

Indian women are great – they can go to any extent for their selfish motives. Wife declares the husband dead for getting his pension money and now the husband is running arond courts to prove that he is alive!

‘Dead’ man in legal battle to prove he’s alive

30 Dec 2008, 1632 hrs IST, PTI

http://timesofindia .indiatimes. com/India/ Dead_man_ in_legal_ battle_to_ prove_hes_ alive/articlesho w/3913610. cms

KHARAR, PUNJAB: Sital Singh Bagi’s life sounds like a script of a Bollywood masala flick.

The 67-year-old ex-IAF man has been fighting a nine-year legal battle to prove that he is the “real” Sital Singh Bagi and not “dead” as his family had got him declared after he fled home allegedly to escape terrorists and did not surface for a decade.

A retired warrant officer of Indian Air Force (IAF), Bagi claimed he was settled with his family and owned a milk dairy in Delhi when three terrorists confronted him in December 1987 and asked him to join their group.

The terrorists threatened to kill him and a terrorized Bagi left his wife and four children at his ancestral house in Gurdittpura village in Patiala and fled, he claimed.

Bagi said he went to Orissa, where he spent 3-4 years, and then moved to Kolkata, before going to Dhaka in Bangladesh, where he became a priest at Gurdwara Nanak Shahi.

Bagi said he returned to his native place in December 1998 as he was “no longer afraid”, but his wife refused to recognize him and so did his children..

They also threatened him with “dire consequences” , if he again approached them, Bagi alleged.

He then went to the IAF authorities for release of his pension, but was shocked when he was told that his name was struck off the pension rolls and his wife was getting the pension after she produced a court decree declaring him dead.

Bagi moved a civil court in Rajpura in 1999 to get the decree declared null and void and for restoration of pension.

Though the court prevented Bagi’s wife from further withdrawing the family pension it reserved its order on the previous court decree pronounced in November 1996.

IAF officer incharge (Pensions) Wg Cdr P.R. Sudhakar said that Bagi had “reappeared” but his pension could not be restored till a decision on the civil suit comes.

In a statement filed before the court, the IAF officials had not disputed the identity of Bagi while Naseeb Kaur said that she cannot say that plaintiff is same Sital Singh with whom she got married.

Though Bagi’s claim was corroborated by Gurdittpura village sarpanch Mohan Singh and two other villagers in court, Bagi’s wife and children have yet to conclude their evidence.

Bagi’s counsel Rajinder Singh Raju said the case is in advanced stage and February 15 has been fixed as next date of hearing. “We have produced documentary and physical evidence beyond any doubt to prove that Bagi is alive,” Raju said.

Bagi also filed a complaint before Patiala police in July 2008 against his wife and sons seeking criminal action but the police asked him to pursue his case in the court.

Left with no source of income or shelter, Bagi is now being taken care of by one of his old service mates in Chamkaur Sahib, near Ropar.

“I procured evidence of several of my service colleagues and native village head, but I’m still waiting for the court order,” he rued.

However, Naseeb says, “I got married to Sital Singh and two sons were born from our wedlock but I cannot say this man is my husband or not.”

“My husband disappeared in 1987. I lodged his missing report with the police and after he failed to appear, I got a police investigation report certifying that he could not be traced despite their best efforts.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Aamir Khan starrer Ghajini creates problems for married men

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 31, 2008

Aamir Khan starrer Ghajini is creating problems for married men. Wives are getting ever-new ideas to control their husbands……

new-gajini1

Posted in Humour | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Do people get justice in courts?

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 30, 2008

With 2.94 crore cases pending in the Indian courts, can people really expect to get a justice during their lifetime?

12/29/2008
http://www.indlawnews.com/Newsdisplay.aspx?b294f581 -f66f-459c-affb-c0518a3caf82

Supreme Court Judge S B Sinha said as many as 2.94 crore cases, including petty cases, were pending with the court till date.

Addressing a two-day inauguration meeting on the legal awareness programme on mediation, human rights and social development for judicial officers organised by A P State Legal Services Authority, Chittoor district Legal Services Authority in collaboration with the Department of Human Rights and Social Development (S V University),
the Justice said all the pending cases will be disposed by 2020 and the awareness training attended by judges from Andhra Pradesh will be useful to settle the cases early at regional level instead of the Supreme Court.

There is no civil courts in America and having only criminal courts but whereas 70 per cent of the cases belongs to civil and remaining 30 per cent are criminal and others are registering at various courts in the country while some of the cases including family cases can be settled at their village level itself with the assistance of police, he added.

All necessary steps have been taken to settle the cases through mobile courts in Andhra Pradesh, Andhra Pradesh High Court Chief Justice Anil Ramesh Dave said .

Among those who participated in the inaugural meeting were Andhra Pradesh High Court Judge and Chairperson of A P State Legal Services Authority Justice Meenakumari, APHLSC Chairman Justice D S R Varma and all District Judges of Andhra Pradesh.

UNI

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Girl kills boyfriend with help of new boyfriend

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 29, 2008

These are the women we call ‘Abla Nari’ in my country – who go around killing their old boyfriends with the help of new ones….

Dehradun: An army official was stabbed to death allegedly by his former girlfriend and her companion at the hill resort of Mussoorie in Uttarakhand, the police said on Sunday.

Two persons — Aparna Shahi and her boyfriend Ankit Thakur — have been arrested for stabbing to death Sunder Swaroop Sharma, a Warrant Officer in the Indian Army. The murder came to light when the police discovered the blood-stained body of Sharma on Saturday at Hathipaon area of Mussoorie. On investigations, it was found that Sharma was having an alleged affair with Aparna, a student of a polytechnic college in Dehra Dun. When Aparna was grilled, she revealed that she along with her new boyfriend Ankit killed Sharma and threw the body into a gorge. She said Sharma was allegedly harassing her after she snapped relations with him last year. When the harassment continued, both Ankit and Aparna invited Sharma to Mussoorie where they killed the official with a khukhri, police said. The two would be produced before a district court for police remand on Monday. PTI

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/dnabangalore/newsview.aspx?eddate=12/29/2008&pageno=15&edition=9&prntid=572&bxid=27958344&pgno=15

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Domestic violence claims men too

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 24, 2008

And they call it a man’s world? Indian men are victims of domestic violence too but can not even come out in open and cry like women do!

http://timesofindia .indiatimes. com/Bangalore/ Domestic_ violence_ claims_men_ too/articleshow/ 3876342.cms

BANGALORE: Family problems are the cause of most suicides in the country. While the number of suicides increased by 28% over the last decade, they went up by 3.8% in the past year. Only 5% of these are attributed to financial
reasons while family problems triggered 23.8%, according to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) which recently published the 2007 statistics.

Members of the Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF) on Monday drew attention to these statistics, which also show that every year, the number of men committing suicide is much higher than that of women.

More married men (57,593) committed suicide last year than married women (30,064). “In 11 years, 1,56,000 married men killed themselves due to domestic violence. Yet, the government doesn’t feel the need to protect
them. Society ridicules them as weak and irresponsible and cites financial reasons as the cause of their suicide. Also, there is a hue and cry when women commit suicide and the husbands’ family is dragged to the police station on suspicion that they must have forced her to suicide. For men, there is hardly any investigation, ” said Anil Kumar, secretary, SIFF.

The organization urged the government to set up a men’s welfare ministry and a national commission for men to study the problems, allocate a men’s budget, provide homes for those trapped in domestic violence, among other things.

Members of Children’s Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting (CRISP), a sister concern of SIFF, identified that men not allowed custody of their children was also an issue of concern leading to stress and depression among divorced men and, in some cases, suicide.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Parents worsen rocky marriages

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 24, 2008

I completely agree: Shruti’s parents were so protective about their daughter that they wanted to control everything that happens in her life even after marriage. If they would not have interfered,  probably my wife and I would have understood each other and have had a happy married life.

*”Unwanted advice of parents should be avoided while tackling crisis situations in a relationship”*

A report published by a Florida-based marriage counsellor said parents may invariably accelerate the break up process if a marriage is on the rocks. “Unwanted advice of parents should be avoided while tackling crisis situations in a relationship. The couples ought to be independent to make their own decisions,” it said.

Dr Rajan Bhonsle, a Mumbaibased marriage counsellor says, “Parents are very possessive about their children. Somehow, they become jealous of the new person in their children’s life. They don’t want to give away their children
even after marriage and keep pouring in advice — which very often is one of the major causes of a marriage break up.” He feels the situation can become more vulnerable in the initial stage of a marriage, as there is a lack of understanding already, and parents’ biased advice just adds to it. This becomes an even bigger problem when the other partner is not liked by the parents.

However, Dr Jyoti Sangle, visiting psychiatrist at Hiranandani Hospital says, “A marriage is made between two mature individuals. They need to be responsible, and so you can’t solely blame parental advice for a split.” She says that parents always have a soft corner for their child, and so they often fail to analyse the situation rationally. It is also because there are so many personal and social emotions attached.

“Importantly, if a marriage is under stress, parents need to be informed about it. But always seek advice from professionals — someone who can look at the situation objectively, like marriage counsellors,” adds Dr Sangle.

Dr Bhonsle warns that as a mature individuals, couples must communicate with each other regularly and openly, as a lack of communication only adds to the problem. “Selfishness, ingratitude and lack of understanding are the
hallmarks of an unhappy marriage,” he adds, “And in this case, it is vital that the couple be independent enough to take their decisions.” Dr Sangle adds, “When you see problems in your marriage, always seek professional help. But understanding, communication and respect is important to keep a marriage alive.”
http://www.dc-epaper.com/DC/DCB/2008/12/23/ArticleHtmls/23_12_2008_110_004.shtml?Mode=1

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »