Dedicated to my wife…

Read on to know what happens to men who marry in India

I LOVE SHRUTI VERMA

This blog is dedicated to my wife – Shruti Verma.

The intention of this blog is twofold – to share with you experiences of my first marriage, and to create awareness that there are ample number of cases where women are cunning and the men suffer.

I have been implicated in several dowry related criminal cases by my darling wife. She has been staying separately since 3.5 years now.

She even tried to claim maintenance by falsely claiming to be unemployed when she was employed with one of the largest Indian software companies.

129 Responses to “I LOVE SHRUTI VERMA”

  1. …and to create awareness that there are ample number of cases where women are cunning and the men suffer.
    I agree with you that ‘cunning’ and ‘suffering; have no gender. I hope you have hired a good lawyer to help you.

    You have not written any details here but it seems your wife does not want to stay with you, if that is true then maybe you have heard this: “If you love someone let them go, if they reciprocate they will not leave, if they leave, they never cared anyway. Why bother wasting your love on someone who doesn’t care anyway.”

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      About lawyers: Do you see Hindi movies? Have you seen a movie called ‘Race’ – Saif Ali Khan and Akshay Khanna. Towards the end of the movie, they are challenging each other to have a car race. Akshay wanted the better car out of the only two options. Saif gives him the better car and says ‘Race car nahin, driver jeetata hai” – “It’s the driver who wins the race, not the car”.

      I think the same is true about these legal battles. It’s not the lawyer, it’s the party involved who wins (or loses).

      Nonetheless, I am really touched by your genuine post. Please visit my other blog iitbiimb498a.wordpress.com to know slightly more about me and my legal know-how.

      About “letting her go” – it is actually a complex discussion. There are two parts to it. One is the love part and the social stigma attached with a divorce. Secondly, after domestic disputes reach the court, the issue becomes more than just the love part. It is also about self-respect. Will I let my wife go away for free? What about all the extra-work that I have done in the last 3.5 years? Should she not compensate for it?

      • bhupesh said

        Good going man.give it a fight & share ur experience.My story has just started.

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        Thank you Bhupesh.

        I do try to share as much of my experiences as possible. But as you might already know such situations are complex. Hence, in case you require any specific guidance, please do not hesitate to let me know.

        There are 1000s like me in the country today willing to help. We also have activists in most cities who hold regular meetings and seminars to discuss strategies to combat legal terrorism.

        If you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything. This is our fight about our self-respect, this is our fight about who we are and what we stand for. It might take time but I can assure you that all of us will win.

        Cheers!

      • Aman said

        I am one of the new victims and here i got idea to express my pain through this way. In fact our constitution has given the privilege to women through 498A. We marry with our deep traditional rooted mindset of rituals, god, fire etc and setting the expectation that we will live like RAM – SITA and will run family like Aadarsh family. But the law put aside this theory and provided the weapon like 498A on the name of gender discrimination, dowry issue and in fact which contradicts the government’s gender equality theory. The women in the era of “SASS BAHU AUR SAJISH” use to play all nuisances using this weapon.
        In my case also the constituent of 498A + Wife desire/Intension + SAAS + Wife’s Sister, brother, father role spoiled my family. Ultimately my wife eloped with her mother and took my daughter away from me too by putting some dirtiest allegation on me. Now they utter only one statement that “I did torture against my wife so they took such action” and they don’t have time to explain the nature of torture what i did against her. Anyway what my wife wanted to achieve she achieved it for her self and interest irrespective to me and my daughter interest or career. It is beyond my capability to understand their intension and their instinct as well.
        Now a days the married women getting the instinct by smelling the 498A to have a taste of one marriage/family and if it is not perfect then go for other taste and so on with the proper compensation and all under the legal umbrella of IPC. Who will miss such opportunity in a life!! Very few.
        So ultimately the law made the Indian citizen like me helpless nothing i can do for the welfare of my daughter or my family. It is beyond my understanding that who made this law who brought this law which is worst than Ahmadshah Abdali’s regime law.
        Anyway this is my take my experience but i must say the law contradicts the advocacy of “Gender Equality”. But who cares about it. The politicians are busy with corruption and Judiciary are busy with exploitation. This is not the perception but reality that such women bribe her to those people who are the accountable for the creating the law, interpreting the law and executing the law. So in that case why we citizen of India should expect right justice for such cases.
        I read that it is mandatory to have one year separation even for mutual divorce but it should be less than nine month. Law maker of India should think over it. If those set of people will be able to understand the concern definitely we will be moving towards the building of right nation on the foundation of law for all.

  2. Mritunjay said

    Hi,

    I am really impressed by looking at this post that you still love her; it’s very disappointing that women choose the path of court and police to settle marital disputes; I wish GOD give them wisdom to understand that these disputes cannot be resolved in court/police stations…the moment they step in the police station or charge someone with 498A either they are prepared to destroy their family life or something but as we all know 498a is perfect recipe for divorce.

    after all the harassment and insults I don’t think any sensible man would be able to compromise again.

    Keep up the spirits, you will eventually WIN.

    Cheers!

  3. awellwisher said

    Tell more about you .. what are you doing these day and how are you coping with your pain ..

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      I am too busy thinking about my pain. Helping other victim husbands and changing the biased system keeps me busy.

      I own a software company that focuses on the LPO segment. I initially started this venture because I wanted to avoid paying maintenance to my beloved wife. Later, I realized this is what turns me on and this is how I can make big money :)

      • Devansh said

        Which LPO company is it, so that others can also avail its services?
        If your wife was earning, then was there still a possibility of you paying maintenance?

  4. Prateek said

    Hello,
    I have gone through similar thing in my past. I am glad that you took so much effort and fought. In my case, I just let her go. Everyone suggested me that it’s not worth wasting ur life over legal fight. It takes years and years to resolve it plus it’s not worth forcing someone to stay with you especially after all this. But seriously I really want to pay back to my in laws and my ex some day for all torture that they did to me.
    Indian Law is really screwed up even though I was abroad at that time so got out of it easily and quickly.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hi,

      I understand exactly what everyone told you and how you must have felt at that point in time. I just happened not to listen to their advice.

      You are right it takes years and years to resolve the legal fight but that should bother only my wife (and not me). I did not start this battle. She started it because she wants money and divorce. The prolonged legal fight only delays her dreams of making money. And imagine, at the end of deacdes of fighting, she might end up paying me money as damages and compensation.

      I am glad that you still want to pay back the ‘non sense’ that you recieved. It is not only your wife and in-laws who tortured you, it is the system in general. It is the society who thinks every woman is ‘abla nari’ and every man is a devil.

      Please join hands with me and 3000 other harassed husbands and the families. Participating in blogs is already a good sign. If you are in India now, we have local chapter meetings once a week in more than 40 cities. If you are not in India, then also please help us create awareness.

      I can not even tell you how drastically the things have changed in the last 2-3 years in front of me. Now almost every day I see something written about us in newspapers. And it is all because of extra-ordinary efforts of ordinary people like you and me only.

  5. Nikhil said

    My parents and my friends are advising me to let my wife go but I have lot of love for her in my heart and I am reluctant to break the marriage.But I know if she agrees now , the same situation will arise in future.
    I was abroad and when I returned back she even didn’t turn up to meet me after more than 2 months we were seperated. And straight forwardly she asked for divorce.
    I am trying to help my heart to understand that it would be better to take the divorce from her.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Think like this – ‘Is this the best treatment you deserve?’If you deserve something better, then it is best to ler her go.

      You can not force someone to love you.

      Your situation does not talk much about your problems (legal or otherwise), but as a social activist I across dozens of cases every month where both husband and wife want divorce, but they are not able to arrive at common terms and consitions. E.g. the husband is expecting XX lacs rupees in compensation for the false cases before granting divorce to wife, but the wife is not willing to pay anything. Therefore the divorce case will go on in courts for decades.

  6. Helpless Husband said

    I have also been a victim of domestic abuse, mostly mental. The unfortunate situation is that we have a daughter who is being used as a pawn for emotional black mail now. The police are unwilling to do anything since she was the first one to lodge a complaint (albeit false).

    What is the recourse to men other than legal? I have consulted a lawyer, who really discouraged me from going to court since he said my personal life as well as my business would be dragged into it and would seriously affect the people around, including parents.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      I understand your situation. I understand how tough it is to survive when someone you consider the most important person in your life betrays you, and goes all out to make your life hell.

      You asked ‘What is the recourse to men other than legal?’ Let me ask you – what do you want now? I am not very clear from your post as to what are your objectives. First let us fix the goals and then find out ways to achieve them.

  7. Harrassed Hubby said

    “She even tried to claim maintenance by falsely claiming to be unemployed when she was employed with one of the largest Indian software companies.”

    So what did you do?
    Do you have a judgement or link for the same to share

    Please help .

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      I produced proof of her employment in the court, and she withdrew her maintenance petition.

      Read comment number 2 here to learn how I found out about where she is working.
      https://iluvshrutiverma.wordpress.com/2008/10/16/i-love-shruti-verma/#comments

      Once I found out the company name, I needed to get some proofs of her job – I am in the IT industry myself since the beginning of my career. I am a friendly person and have a solid network of friends. Through friends and friends of friends, the first proof I managed to get was a group photograph of my beloved wife in her office campus.

      I can send you the judgment copy or even post the scanned copy here, but I do not think that will help. It is a brief judgment saying “The matter is closed as the applicant wife has withdrawn her application. No costs are ordered.”

    • Ashish Jolly said

      1

      in my case, my bitter half is very intelligent. she understands that if she will be employed then we can fight to ensure that she doesn’t get maintenance. so even though she is well qualified in two streams of education, still she has not applied for any job.

      2

      she created lot of noises and cries that made my parents leave their home and now they are living separately. now when i dont talk to her or if i stay out of my home, she has now again started saying that she wants divorce. they are very cunning and have been threatening us with cases filing . they are just waiting for us file case against them so that they can screw us in legal battle. all of them are liars.

      3

      i read somewhere in your blog that you are share your views but we have to ‘own’ our life. I agree with you, but please guide me and tell . i dont want to lose my parents or my life.

      if you want i can call you. if you want to call me tell me. if anything else can be done, please tell me . if i can contact somebody or any activist, please tell me

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        1 – all bitter halves are intelligent. men are idiots. the day men get liberated 90% of the problems get solved on their own. Eg. what is stopping you from quitting your job? If she can sit at home, so can you. It is only because men always are so serious about their career that they do not think innovative. (and most of the times they are earning for someone else, they don’t really enjoy spending 14 hrs in office). I know of a case where the guy actually quit his job and started to study again only in order to avoid maintenance.

        In my personal case too, I quit my MNC job and became an entrepreneur the time my maintenance case was going on.

        you control what happens to your life (90%), only 10% is determined by external factors.

        if you have any specific questions for me, i would be glad to answer.

        regards

      • Ashish Jolly said

        You mentioned that ‘I know of a case where the guy actually quit his job and started to study again only in order to avoid maintenance.’

        After leaving my job, can’t she use RTI or any tool , even his idiotic mind, to say to the court that I used to earn , Rs #### in my job. Then court will say, Mr Ashish. You are worth of earning Rs ####. So, we order you to pay
        Rs #### divided-by some percentage of Rs ####, as maintenance to your wife ?

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        She can, but the maintenance ordered in such cases is less than what it would have been otherwise.

        The whole system and the people involved are against you when you are fighting with a woman.

  8. Sagar said

    Hello,

    I have recently become the victim of Domestic violation law (Damages & Compensation). I am still in shock and depressed. I want legal aid and definitely support to hold myself and my family from shattering.

    My wife planned and played a game along with her parents. She packed everything from USA, took all the documents that belonged to her and my daughter, and went to parents in India smiling assuring that she will return soon. After going to parents, she stopped talking and after 3 months sent a DV notice. Not sure how to respond to this yet. We are in complete shock and distress.

    I am in USA and just received the notice couple of days ago. The demand is ridiculous and it is a clear case of extortion. I am confused. Please help with information that I can call and talk to in USA or India and get some legal help.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hi,

      First and foremost – relax. I can understand what you are going through but stressing out is the worse thing you can do in this game.

      DV Act as it is popularly known is a short form of PWDVA Act. It is a quasi – criminal case. I do not think you are going to understand the intricacies right away, so I shall leave the details. For now, the DV notice that you have received is a civil notice.

      Assuming that you know nothing about law – there are two kinds of matrimonial cases – criminal and civil. Civil cases are the ones like divorce, child custody, alimony etc. Criminal cases are dowry death, dowry torture, attempt to murder, abetment of suicide etc.

      The trouble to you is more in criminal cases – since you would apprehend arrest and physical presence becomes necessary at times; BUT civil cases is where SHE gets something tangible. So both have pros and cons.

      Coming to your specific case – there can be too many things in your favor here: whether Indian courts have jurisdiction, whether the domestic violence incidents mentioned fall after the date DV act was introduced (non – retrospective effect).

      As long as you wish to fight against any form of injustice, I am with you.

      Leave behind your number (as a comment, I will reject the comment so your number will not appear on my blog), and I will ask an activist from US to call you.

      • Sagar said

        Hi,

        Thanks for your detailed response. I saw the papers and my lawyer says it is summons. It is the criminal case and we have to be in court on a specific date. The lawyer we have is civil so I am also looking for best and trustworthy lawyer.

        I am sending you my number separately. I want to fight back. Enough is enough. I will keep you posted.

        Thanks!

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        On whose name are the summons? Why do you say ‘we’? Is it only you or some family members as well?

        Were the summons delivered to you in the US? Which city is the case in? Which city do your parents/ siblings live in? Would someone from your family in India be willing to help you by attending the weekly meetings?

        “Best and trustworthy lawyer”? That does not exist. You have only 2 options – either get cheated thoroughly by lawyers or educate yourself.

      • Sagar said

        Hi,

        The parties listed on the summons are My Father, My Mother, My Sister and Me. My parents received the summons in HYD. My sister and I are yet to receive them in US. The case is filed in Nagpur and we are from Hyderabad. I can ask my parents to attend meetings at the Hyd chapter.

        Please provide the local chapter details.

  9. Prince Saleem: Treat me as a father and not as a king and give me my Anarkali! ………days law is not different…..every married man implicateed in false 498 a says ….treat me like a son of india not as terrorist and save me from anarkali.

  10. Rahul said

    Can you also give me some advise. I am also victime of voilence in marriage in US.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      “Even God can help only those who help themselves”.

      Go ahead, explain your situation, I will share my views, but finally you have to ‘own’ your life.

  11. Manpreet said

    Sir,
    I consulted with you before also, please guide a bit as you did earlier which was quite helpful
    There was a complaint against me and my family in 498a and 406, The complaint was pending for last six months with police as there was on going settlement done by society as we returned all gifts articles back and a token money of 1 lac which was to cashed on 1 notion of divorce but their greed got better and were expecting more money from us and they did not signed any deed to extort more money.
    In between police had got a statement from Girl in response to my Anticipatary bail application that due to ongoing settlement procedure I don’t want any action on my complaint for 1 month and after 3 months police closed the case by noting that a settlement have been made between parties9as she did not approached police again) so no action is needed. Please suggest me where I stand as
    1) Police had closed the case and sent for record office
    2) They had cashed the money made out from our Bank Account, Bank certificate of payment is there with me.
    3) I have that Statement of Girl which I got through RTI and report of IO in which he mentioned about settlement.

    Please guide me what should I do at this stage to nail them down

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hello,

      On one hand you say that the matter is closed. On the other, you are saying their greed increased. I am confused as to what is the present status of the matter.

      Also, why do you want to nail them down? On what basis. You willingly agreed into a settlement, how can we blame them for it?

      • Manpreet said

        Hi, Thanks for reply
        After society made settlement between parties, and we paid 1.5 Lac by Draft made of our accoiunt but then they turned back and demanded more money. Our society (people who mediated) went to police to explain that compromise was done and now they are harrasing the victem and family.

        After this police approched girl and she gave written statement that a compromise is under way and she need 1 months time for that, if settlement does not work she will ask for action against complaint od her.

        So, after 3 months from date of this statement police closed the case, mentioning that a settlement is made.

        Please let me know where i stand at this point

        Please

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        Hello,

        1. Was there an FIR?
        2. Ho do you know that police has closed the case?
        3. The 1.5 Lac draft was returned, so till now you have not made any money to the girl?

      • Manpreet said

        Hi,
        1) It was only complaint which was pending
        2) I got information from DSP Office and have same report through RTI
        3) 1.5 lac was not returned but was cashed fraudulently without signing any deed or document, and this information was given to police, which they verified by checking Bank Certificate and her statement. so police filed the case.
        Sir, my question is does this solve my problem and how can I screw them now

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        You say ‘police filed the case’, which case was filed?

        What deed or document are you talking about? You gave her a draft that she cashed. What is the illegality there?

        If you are saying that the settlement deed was not signed, then that is not a banking fraud.

        I am sorry, you are not explaining the situation properly….

  12. Victim said

    Sir,
    My wife had filed couple of maintenance cases under various sections of DV(125, Section 24 etc..) asking lacks of rupees per month, she now filed FIR under section 498/406 with some fake story through women cell,delhi. They even submitted a fake list of articles wortheing more than 50 lacks . FIR under section 498/406 is filed more than a month before but till date i had not been informed by concerned IO. I already filed divorce case last 6 month back which is still pending in the lower court. No order for maintenance had been passed till now.
    Now coming to queries:
    1, Can you update me the meeting/contact place/number of people who are working with you and can help me out .
    2, My lawyer and some other people are insisting me to settle the matter by paying big amout to my wife which I dont want at any cost. I want to fight and do not want to settle by paying the amount.
    3, I am aware of the fact that my wifes parents is not that much what they are proving by putting up lacks of rupees list of articles. How can I get the income tax returns of her father and mother to prove my truth.
    4,Regarding Maintenance, My wife is earning more than 25K per month and is well educated. How can I deny the mainteance on the same ground. Do you have good judgements which can help me to deny her maintenance under various sections(125,23,24 etc..etc)

    Importantly, Can you share your number or any activist number who can help me out. I am always reachable on Phone/email.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      1. Which city do you live in? So that I can put you in touch with relevant people
      2. Lawyers will suggest settling the matter because they get a percentage of the settlement amount
      3. Learn to use RTI (Right To Information) Act
      4. Do you have her income proof? Is she claiming to be unemployed?

      Regards

  13. Victim said

    1. Which city do you live in? So that I can put you in touch with relevant people — Delhi
    2. Lawyers will suggest settling the matter because they get a percentage of the settlement amount — Yes , You are absolutely right
    3. Learn to use RTI (Right To Information) Act – I had seen somewhere in your blog to apply for RTI to know income detail from Income Tax dept through Form 16..of last couple of years..Can you Pl. provide that information.. Meanwhile, i will also serach from my end
    4. Do you have her income proof? Is she claiming to be unemployed? – She had openly disclosed the salary slip of around 20+K in front of court , but showed around 70K of expenses per month…like..Tutions for higher education (all fake tution docs slips)+ higher education slip+she had cleverly took car on loan (on EMI)..(when I had filed the divorce…) ..Her parents and she is just behind my money and making ways to exort money from me ..
    Can you Pl. provide some good judgements where we can fight back and prove to court that she is not at all eligble to get any maintenance as she is earning a handsome salary and importantly she is MBA with BTECH.(Professionally qualified). I have 2-3 judgements to counter argue based on education , I need now couple of more judgements related to maintenance.

  14. urvish said

    There are millions of husbands out there who are victims of 498..including me…but nobody raises voice against this injustice…sometimes I feel that the whole society is being enslaved by a particular gender…

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Well, we should all be asking what have we done to increase awareness.

      I am doing my bit, are you doing yours?

      In the last 3-4 years, the voices against injustice have increased. Now there are husband pain stories also in the newspaper once in a while. There are articles in the magazines, there are protests, and there are seminars.

  15. notanymore said

    Hi,

    I have been looking at this site for quite sometime. I too have almost gone into the bad situation. My wife wanted to divorce me because she wanted to stay away from my parents and I prefered a joint family. I am the only son of my parents and thought I could take care of them, but gods had planned differently. Since I had not agreed to live separately from my parents, she wanted to divorce me. During the initial stages, her parents too supported me because they were aware of the comforts their daughter would enjoy in a joint family. My mom is one of those mothers in law who asks her daughter in law for a feedback and changes her habits and my father is one of those FILs who makes dinner because his son and daughter in law were having a good time. However, my wife never felt home at my parents’ place. Since I knew her level of irresponsibility, I always tried and counselled her. Since none were listening to her ( her parents, my parents and myself) and she was not able to achieve, she wanted a divorce from me. To make her case strong she levied allegations on me – sexual harassment, physical abuse, verbal abuse and so on. Her parents got convinced ( her father under the influence of alcohol and her mother under the influence of relatives ) and gave me a final choice – separate family or divorce ( with loads of cases under various sections). I went ahead and set up a separate family with my wife to avoid ot of complications and dishonour to the family. You see – my first step was towards making peace; maybe the next step will not be ; if they create a problem. If someone asks me as to why I am living with her inspite of all this; just have to say one thing; relations are too valuable to let go off very easily.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hi,

      Staying away from your parents is an unreasonable demand. I think you have made a blunder by doing that.

      Now she knows how to manipulate you into doing things that she would like to happen.

      You left your old parents under threats of cases? I am sorry but I do not have much respect for you.

      You are saying you did that in order to avoid complications and din-honor to the family. Well, the easy way out is not always the right way out. Moreover, what honor will you be able to save by breaking the family (parents)?

      I agree relations are too valuable and you had the longest relation with your parents.

      • notanymore said

        Hi,

        Thank you for responding to my post. At the outset, let me mention that both my parents are working and they were the ones who wanted me to live out separately. As you should guess, her presence and tantrums have become intolerable for them as well and we all living together further will make things worse ( more for my parents ). One more important point that all of us realized is, physically I might be away from my parents, but mentally, is there anyone who can separate me from them, unless I myself want to do it. The point I was trying to drive in my first post is the level of immaturity of today’s women and their parents who want to divorce husbands all because they want to live separately from in-laws. Also let me mention here that after we both started living separately, she works very hard to prove that her decision of living separately is correct. A person who never waked up before 8 AM now wakes up at 5 in the morning, cooks for both of us, rushes to work, comes back and cooks again tonight. I dont know if I am making myself clear but this is what I call sweet revenge and ofcourse that does not stop me from spending good time with my parents. Before actually fighting out, dont you think she should be given one last chance?.. Correct me if I am wrong.

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        Hi,

        I am all for saving the marriage. I would be very happy if things work out for you.

        In most of the cases I have seen in the past – generally things go well for some time when the couple separates from the parents, and then the wife comes up with some new undue demand. and ultimately such marriages break down. I sincerely hope that yours proves to be an exception.

        Good luck.

      • notanymore said

        Thanks very sincerely for your wishes. You are right to the grain level and not all my fears are at rest. But again there is something called patience and hope which have done miracles for me in the past in other instances. If things turn out to be bad, then I guess I will have not option but to fight back. I guess I should let time decide this. Till then, I am admist you all following all that you have to say.

        But certainly, I am happy that there is someone whom I can look up to should there be a problem.

      • R said

        Sorry to butt in but I somehow disagree a little here…with both the participants.

        1. There is nothing unreasonable to live away from parents. what is unreasonable here is to be forced to do it. However, if not living under the same roof can give you an opportunity to bring your wife closer to your family — nothing like it! You can really use it as a good opportunity. After all, you have the onus and the responsibility not only to introduce her into your family but also act as the bridge to allow for her amalgamation in you set up.
        Treat her well, care for her but be cautious to know where to draw a line. If both of you have love for each other and trust amongst you, even this can go a long way and soon she would cherish your parents, and may be even more than you do! Daughters usually are like that…

        2. sweet revenge and the wife managing all the kitchen work on her own after moving out — which world are you living in. Are you really happy with taking a sweet revenge on your wife? And just on the cooking and managing the household part — if she is happier with all the slog, then probably she was not all happy in the combined household. Isn’t it good in one way that you both moved out — she became more responsible and you are better equipped to bring her closer to your family despite not living under the same roof? And be careful not to leave most of the extra work on her. in your path of a sweet revenge, you may hurt her more than you intend…

        It happened in my case. Hubby took me out of the combined household as his parents wanted us out. they were preparing for the case and did not want there names anywhere so despite my pregnancy in 5th month we were pushed out. At this rented place, hubby left me to fend for myself — no rent payment by him despite the lease being under his name, no household expenses by him at all and no help allowed at home (no maids for utensils, etc or even ironing was allowed), no household from him (so I was carrying 10kg atta bags/gas cylinders to the second floor despite an advancing pregnancy) and also no help in going to doc/medical, etc. And while he was busy trying to generate proofs to show I was not caring for him, he has hurt me beyond any mending now.

        Good luck!

  16. notanymore said

    Dear R,

    There is something called innate trait which does not leave you till death. I was never brought up to trouble someone. So I certainly help my wife a lot in household work and do none that you mentioned in point 3. However, there are a few instances here and there I do not help her out with because I know she is being irresponsible. The idea is not to hurt her but to make her understand that responsiblity has got an element of inconvenience and needs to be borne. As you said again, it is only time that will tell whether my decision of a separate family is right or not.

    thanks for the wishes anyways

    • a-soul said

      Dear,

      I was exactly in same situation last july. decided to live separate from my parents for exactly same reasons as yours. For me, it did not end up into a family union. She finally left with details which could be avoided here. I will also say that hope for the best, even enemy deserves a last chance to make peace, as even Shri Krishna established. So you are right on your path. However know that trust is one of the pillar in marriage besides love and respect. Ensure that no more dents goes to these pillars on mutual sides if you want to carry on. People will also like to suggest to you to use this period for gathering proofs/records and making yourself aware of legal aspects. awareness is surely important. I will say when you give her chance then do it with full heart i.e. for this period consider that she is your true mate and your responsibility. Make better understanding with her. MAke her feel that you are better companion for her than even her own parents. so that she starts agreeing with you. This is all that you can try and try to slowly bring her back in business. I know your long term aim would be to get back to a happy family reunion along with your parents. I will not say that accept any illegal or immoral demand from her like cutting off financially with your parents. I believe finance is going to be crucial at this stage. If she gets into stealing jwellary, asking for big money investments then she will be more difficult to be dealt with. In all, she is at the last stage where she can be treated. It is a mental illness in the end to be untrue and unjustified. and be cautious in your intentions, worlds. Being Positive is probably the best policy at these times. Also at the same time, Be Honest with your relationship with your parents. I know your parents will be most happy if you are able to cross it through and they find you living a satisfied life, even if at a slightly physical distance. physical distance can be bridged any time, when mental boundaries are re drawn. Defer baby at this stage if you have not already into it.

  17. vivek uppal said

    JAIPUR: In an unusual turn of events, the husband of a 23-year-old woman who had committed suicide in April has lodged a complaint, alleging harassment by her family, with the Karni Vihar police station on Thursday.

    The husband alleged the woman had killed herself following harassment by her family over her homesexual relationships. The woman was pursuing LLB, and had consumed poison at her parents’ house. Her family had alleged harassment for dowry by the in-laws, following which the husband was arrested recently.

    According to the police, Mamta Devi, a resident of Suman Vihar in Jaipur was married to one Dheeraj Kumar Raigar, a resident of Kuchaman City in Nagaur district on February 12. “Suman was visiting her paternal home, when she consumed poison in April. She was rushed to the SMS Hospital, where the doctors declared her brought dead,” said Mahendra Singh, investigation officer.

    An FIR was lodged with the Karni Vihar police, after her family alleged the deceased’s in-laws were harassing her for dowry. A case under section 304B of IPC was registered against the in-laws and the matter was investigated by CO (Jhotwara).

    After investigation, Mamta’s husband Dheeraj was arrested. “He remained behind the bars for about 45 days, and was recently released on bail,” the officer said.

    After his release, Dheeraj approached a local court saying Mamta had homosexual relationship with her classmate. “Dheeraj says that the her family was aware about her relation with the girl, and rebuked her often. He says that she was being constantly harassed by her family,” the officer said. Dheeraj alleged he was framed by her wife’s family in a false case.
    The police have registered a case under sections 420, 201, 120B, 500, 504, 341 and 306 of IPC against the woman’s father Rajendra, mother Rukmani and other members.

  18. Chemophilion said

    Hi dear in my case we got fooled by the family of my sister’s husband and they have put a lot of false allegation on my sister,and the boy is not coming to face us even his mom dad ran away when we went to meet them,nd they are saying boy has left d job and they hv disowned him.I want your advice if I cn get ur phone no.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Your message is too generic to be able to provide any meaningful guidance.

      They have put a lot of allegations on your sister – what would you like me to say? You should also put a lot of allegations on them.

      If you would like to make them talk – then try to get some maintenance under Crpc 125 or Domestic Violence Act; once he has to pay your sister some money every month, he will automatically come to talk to you

      • Chemophilion said

        Is it possible to get guidance in Delhi fm someone I wl b thankful to you ??My family is really very simple they want harmony so even after these allegation they didn’t go to police?

      • chemophilion said

        we have put case in DCW and they didn’t turn up on first date then second date was thru SSP gaziabad as they live in there and we are in delhi, so his father came and asked them for some time so next date is on 28 and his father admitted dat he has served that notice and he is looking for his job in lucknow after leaving his job from pune and he took my relatives phone no. dat day and want to compromise so i want some kind of guidance for compromise if i can get in delhi, i would be realy greatful to you.

  19. Notanymore said

    With youngsters taking no time to commit themselves in a relationship, the first realisation that hits them is – they’ve fallen into their own trap. How? Read on …

    ‘Tis love that makes the world go round. But what about commitment? Today, youngsters are falling in love at lightening speed. However, being impulsive and inexperienced, they are unable to handle the emotional complications that come attached with such relationships, and they feel trapped, as the side-effects of being ‘committed’ reveal themselves sooner than expected.

    The few ‘unwanted’ changes in the life of committed guys go like:

    All Indians are my brothers and sisters
    The first blow that one’s hit with as soon as he gets into a relationship is – consider all the boys and girls around you as your brothers and sisters. So, dare you raise your eyes to check out others around. For now, you are reserved for the one you’re committed with.

    Says Kapil Sharma, a second-year college student, who’s been dating his girl for the last eight months, “Only I know what a 360 degree turn my life has taken eversince I got committed. Even though I love her, one thing that irritates me no end is her habit of following my eyes everywhere. So while she’s loving it when we’re alone, as soon as I am with my school friends, a lot of whom are girls, I’m under her constant gaze. And later I’m bombarded with things that I haven’t even done – ‘I saw you checking out that babe?’ or ‘Weren’t you standing too close to that girl?’ or ‘It’s so clear, you find all other girls prettier than me!’ And all of this eventually ends in a fight, with me often wondering what fun it used to be hanging out with my female friends earlier or cracking silly non-veg jokes all the time.

    It’s ‘Our time’ anytime, all the time
    Secondly, it’s high time you guys realised, that for you, there’s nothing as ‘my time’. So if you’re committed and you’re still fighting with your partner over ‘my time’ or ‘my space’, give up! For as a rule, the moment you walk into a relationship, your partner is entitled to everything 50-50. And yes, your time too!

    Says Sachin Gulati who got engaged in March with Deeksha after two months of courtship, “It’s been six months now and I’m still waiting to go biking with my friends, as was our routine every weekend before my marriage was fixed. Going biking to distant towns over the weekends was such fun and it was our way to unwind. Now, it’s become a dream, as Deeksha is like ‘You guys drive so fast! I’m scared you’ll get hurt. So if you go, I’ll come along too.’ And since we all have been doing it as a boys’ sport, with my other friends also leaving their wives behind, I feel helpless and have to make Deeksha understand it all.” Adding he says, “While biking is one, all this while, there hasn’t been one occasion where I have been ‘permitted’ to party alone, even if it was a drinks party planned just between us boys.”

    Love me, love my dog
    …That definitely sounds familiar, right? “Oh definitely! Ask me,” sighs Akshay, a post-graduate student, who confesses, “This one irritating habit has been common between my previous and current girlfriend. Somehow women think if we love them, we’re supposed to love everything and everyone in their family – right from their pets to their school friends to even their most distant relatives. Recently, my girlfriend introduced me to her distant cousin, with whom she’s very close. Later just as a casual banter, I laughed about his weird dressing sense which upset my girlfriend so much that not only she yelled at me, she didn’t even speak to me the whole day till I apologised to her.”

    Show me your money
    However much you may earn, take it from the ones who’ve tread this path – ‘it’s never enough’.

    Shares Dhruv Pandit, a second year management student, “How excited I was and felt so rich when my dad doubled my pocket money from Rs 5,000 to Rs 10,000 when I got through MBA! But then I fell in love with a classmate and 10K suddenly looked so meagre. I mean right from paying for our movies to dinners, disc tickets, soaring phone bills, everything just doubled. Add to it a dating norm – that guys need to keep their girls happy whether it is with expensive gifts, flowers or romantic dates, I was back to being a pauper. Now, how I wish my dad raised my pocket money to Rs 50,000,” quips Dhruv.

    Bill da mamla
    When in love, phone bills are the last thing one cares about, till they finally arrive and give you a heart attack.

    “I’ve suffered this big time but somehow have never been able to control it. What’s worse is that the girls who I had marathon conversations with are not there in my life anymore,” says Akash Suri, a BPO executive, continuing, “Now I know ‘everything comes with a price’, so do relationships!”

    Love me more than my friend’s bf
    “Now how do you do that!” exclaims Kapil Sharma, “How do I meet up the standards of someone I don’t even know! It’s extremely irritating to hear my girlfriend sing praises of some other guy who loves and cares for his girlfriend. And then she expects me to behave exactly the same way. More than the fun element, I’m mostly living under this constant pressure of trying to keep my girlfriend happy so that she stops comparing me with other guys.”

    Can I please breathe?
    For Sachin Gulati, his engagement has been ‘life changing’. He says, “I have always been independent, even my parents are not strict and don’t check me much on anything. But with Deeksha, I now have to report everything – from what time I reached office, how many glasses of beer I had at a party, to the number of cigarettes I smoked in the day. So much so, even the new laptop that I bought is of her preference. If I am on such a tight leash right now, I wonder how things will be once we are married!”

  20. S nath said

    Please tell us in details – who is Shruti verma ? Where is her real residence or she origin from ?

  21. ex said

    hi,
    I need some advice, (who doesn’t? : ) Got married after finding out gf was 5 months pregnant. had baby in 7th. baby was in hospital for bout 2 months, during which my 20-30k was over and FIL paid round a lakh and half. Had fights with wife, was living with mother then, she called father who came with cops. Spent a night in jail, in morning was sprung by friends who got case reduced to Disturbing the Peace. This was last december.

    Wife had left for parents, in Feb, my mother passed away. I got a call from the wife a month later, we patched up on phone and she moved back against her father’s wishes. We stayed together till i lost my job in May-June. Wife was at parents visiting when I had no money to feed them. Couple of weeks later wife and FIL came and calmly spoke and took her and baby’s things back. I admitted i was having no money and surviving on friends and wife only said, ‘get a job and then talk.’

    After that, i was in touch with wife and MIL on phone while job hunting. They said call center and i was aiming for my old career in eLearning. The strain led to fighting with wife on phone. Then she cut me off. No phone – barred my number, no email (she forgot her password sometime back) and just a month back I got thru to my MIL who said wife was leading a ‘calm and composed’ life and I should speak to my FIL or a lawyer.

    Went to her colony on two ocassions, 15 Aug and on this Diwali. The first time, the guard at the gate called up and my FIL abused me on the intercom. Not wanting to cause any scene, I came away. On Diwali, again the guard buzzes their flat and tells me they do not want to meet me.

    Now my career is back on track, am earning well and miss my wife and daughter. I think she has run out of rebellion and has bowed down to dear dad who never had any say in the marriage in the first place as we got married with only my MIL’s knowledge. Yea, my MIL is shrewd and my FIL is an ex Ranji cricketer with lots of contacts. For example, he called up a hi-profile minister for getting a discount on the baby’s hospital bill and told me he was telling the Man that I was just a friend he was helping out. I was hardly in a position to debate ethics.

    Sorrry for the length, been mulling this for a while and this is the first time I am reaching out for help.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Reaching out for help is a good thing.

      There is no way you can get her without her extreme willingness to come with you. Obviously, the MIL and FIL seem to ‘dislike’ you. Unless the wife stands up really strong with you, this is not going to work.

      If you go to a lawyer, he would suggested filing RCR (read section 9 of Hindu Marriage Act) but let us not forget that – families are not made in family courts, families are only broken there.

      The night in jail last December is really a strong red signal that may be this girl is not the right person for you. Who does not have domestic fights? Does it mean that they should get their spouse arrested?

      I am surprised that you still want to make this work – despite all the drama and attitude that they have been giving you; but it’s your life, here is what I would have done if I wanted to make this work:

      Try to think of why they ‘dislike’ you. It looks to me that it may be because of your financial ‘instabilities’. If that is the case, then you have to tell them how your career is back on track and how you are earning well and how much you love your wife and daughter (BUT REMEMBER – if things go worse and she goes to the court to ask for maintenance, she would use all these facts against you – in proving that u earn well etc).

      Communication is the key – with your wife and in-laws. I really do not see why you would want to make this mess work – but if you really want to: then if you are not able to succeed in talking directly with them; try finding a third person who knows both of you. It might help. If you do not know anyone else, I would offer to talk to them on your behalf and see what can be done to save the marriage.

      • OmSaiRam said

        Hello ILuvShrutiVerma

        I am not what is your name and how to contact you, but I really need some help for my brother who is suffering with a fraud marriage, please could you share your how Ic an contact you, many thanks.

  22. ex said

    Why do i want to save this marriage? Well, I always believed I was one of the ‘good’ guys. But seriously, I’m using the law of the paradox here and also acting the opposite of what my in-laws expect or understand. : ) They have always shouted down those who pointed out their mistakes and right now, I am afraid that my wife is really making a mistake by trying to wash her hands off the whole marriage. My parents are now both dead, but does she realize that a father makes a odd substitute for a husband!

    I do still love her and understand completely what were the mistakes that led us here. The coming back of the wife was one of those day-to-day times in life and sadly in our effort to make it work, we were not communicating about what made us fight in the first place. Finally, i imagine she just ran out of the energy to make it work and decided to simply bring up the kid in peace. I do not think there is ‘anyone’ else in her life (except for her dear old dad).

    They have been loudly abusive at my doorstep, I never made a scene even after being kept away from them for the last five months. They have lied, I never lied about my life, or situation. They have hidden things from society, I have already made sure everyone and anyone of our common friends (and all of mine) knew that she had tried a false 498a. Unconventional, agreed but I do not deny my responsibilities. Till now my habit was to give as good as i got in a fight but then i realized, once you are married either both win or both loose. Besides, my FIL is not entirely convinced I want any money from him and nobody’s entrapping his daughter. He has another younger daughter, by the way, who is just as abusive and was there through out the whole jail episode.

    I always knew I needed to earn much more from the moment i knew she was pregnant. I just hung in there and got the best job I deserved, although not in time to save my second chance at marriage. I know about the maintenance risk of confessing salary figures and I whole heartedly agree that courts break families. Not just that, the whole system and everyone including town hall enjoys the joke of you and she confessing your intimate details. and of course, after all the sneering and amusement is done, the bloody narrow minded idiot of of a judge will suggest some of the things we are all wishing people were aware of. Finally the husband and wife get what they could have got AND had all along in the marriage after a lot of emotion, embarrassment and expense.

    I’ve made my life bigger than my problems and I do feel responsible for the baby.

    After all, our adult fights are not her fault. I grew up in a difficult home and I would never want anyone to go thru the same stupidity. I don’t mind the wife not wanting to see me. I love her and if that’s what makes her happy, I’m happy too. I want to begin with getting my FIL to let me see the baby. If the wife dont want to meet me, fine. Why get their cheap kicks holding that little bundle of joy and take revenge on me by denying me these precious moments. I never for once told the wife to stay. She has walked out and come back in on a couple of occasions due to fights with my mother but my door has always been open, both ways. This entire stupidity needs some adult behavior and some straight talk.

    I’ve been reading all over from RCR to RTI, it helps when you have trouble sleeping. Been talking to friends going thru div. I do have a couple of friends fathers who are retired judges, which completely helped with the false 498a. I wrote you because your blog title made me laugh. Now, I need just a month more before I can pay off all my debt from the recent jobless months, then I plan to save up the lump sum my FIL spent on my daughter. Actually send a decent monthly amount to the wife for baby’s expenses. After all, she is the mother of my child and I really don’t want to cause them any stress. We all should have had enough of that shouting and fighting. Plan is after getting out of debt, I plan to get some sort of third party to go over and try talking to them. (If that does not work, I might consider the RCR.)

    Yes, surely I could use your help. Trouble is, I just could not find your mail id. So mail me at a______i@gmail.com

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      I can clearly see that you are in love with her and the baby BUT I can only hope that you win them back. Imagine the scenario where you just kept on trying – wasting your life, wasting your time and money; and in the end she does not come back!

      By the way, society has just fooled men into believing that they are ‘good’ guys if they try everything to save the marriage! I do not think there is anything ‘bad’ about recognizing that ‘its over’. In fact, earlier one accepts the true facts the less would be the damage.

      I have made a note of your email id.

  23. ex said

    Relax, I may be an idiot but I am not a fool.
    No, being a good guy is not a self-reflection but actually a tired conclusion in life after seeing how my friends supported me since the fights and mom’s death. This is all a bit of mental judo (push when you are being pulled, and pull when pushed. end result, the other guy is off balance.)

    Sure, we are being victimized and alienated from our family and the very institution we dared to take a chance on, even after seeing others flounder, lie or get busy dying in marriages. But tell me, 20 years down the line if you, me, we succeed in ostracizing every 498a woman that would rule out the very concept of fairness in Indian law. Meanwhile, what you do is good and God forbid any other unsuspecting guy go through the same hell and the feeling of watching the end of our life as we dreamed of it.

    People get tough on me, I defend myself pretty good. I just don’t make the first moves and agreed that the Judge is not likely to be impressed by my nice guy image. But a judge who has been called by another retired judge and told that I am a good boy will want to look for any such signs, right? Hey, I am not rich but I said I had friends. All of us have been hurt by money at some time or the other in life, but my FIL is not one to understand what I mean by that. He’s so full of his own sh*t.

    I need to bring out the contrast between me and them first. I need to be able to get across the point that there was nothing else i could have done more for them. No first moves, a defense based on truth since lies can be tricky to maintain : ) and overwhelming evidence/testimonials is what I imagine I can do well in my case with. Like I said, they like trumpeting over others and that is bound to make them make mistakes. If I can get one corner of their building of lies to topple, court’s likely to be persuaded to be suspicious of the entire set of allegations made by them.

    Sure, I made recordings of her screaming at me about my dead mother. BUT i deleted them as I do not want to make the court think that i was already scheming and plotting to get rid of her and collecting evidence against her. Sure I love her, but she is not likely to know how to reverse gear out of the situation she has got into by avoiding me. I promise you, regardless of my wife, my daughter will not grow up believing that 498a is okay if done to men.

    Like you already know you are a winner in your own case but wish you could do something about the system. That’s why this blog, right? Sure, I can knock out one wife and have lots more babies by the end of my life so I don’t miss this one as much. Right now, I am thinking up a graphic novel, adult comic book based on my rapid marriage, child birth and break up. Something to reflect this urban, modern, so-called-sophistication of an illness young people in India are beginning to catch. Truly love isn’t love any more and romance is an old world virtue. It’s too easy to break and destroy when you have yet to learn that ‘even the very clever cannot escape consequences*.’

    (*The Art of War – Sun Tzu)

    PS: My email id is fine, but mail me yours, will you please?

  24. iluvMYpromiscousDesiWife said

    I can’t believe the striking similarity in our stories. I really can’t read much from the blog without having to relive my experience and am therefore going to digest it slowly over several weeks. I actually set out to write an EXACTLY similar blog (plus a website on extra marital affairs from a desi in silicon valley/Bangalore perspective). I am fighting some other lawsuits now and this is getting delayed.

    It is amazing that I also am trying to get into law school in US (trying to do an LPO in India) because I want to remain within the law community and influence the direction of thinking in whatever way I can.

    Meanwhile, congrats for doing this.
    If you can please email me your id, we can talk.

    Perspective on 498a:
    It may be a useful tool in some cases. I am helping a nurse in my grandparents house in India fight a lawsuit to get child support. She also has to recover some dowry money.She is illiterate and the attorneys and husband take advantage of it. 498a helps to convince the other party that they are not going to get away with.

    On the other hand, I lived in an apartment disabled and bed ridden for 3 months without being able to say anything because of the threat of 498a. Never mind that I actually paid for the wedding from both sides, paid for her parents house, car and sister’s education. Also worked with her to get into a career.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      About the nurse – what makes you believe that if she files 498a it will be genuine?

      Will your wife not tell similar stories to guys who know her. They all should also believe her that she also has to recover dowry money?

  25. som said

    Hi,

    I accidentally landed in this page. Great information. I am totally shocked to see so many cases women has filed and its way too surprising for me to believe that women can & will be able do this. I think its the govt that provoked women by bringing this kind of law into existence. Anyways, good effort. I have a very different question, and I am not sure if you have an answer. Among this kind of cases, which ones the most – love marriage or arranged marriage, led to a 498A.

    Also, I heard from someone long back, that there is a agreement that can be signed my both parties at the time of marriage, which ensures that no one will be liable to pay the other party (maintenance or something like that) at the time of divorce. What is it? Doesn’t it help?

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      You are shocked to learn that there are so many such cases because we men have never come out openly and discussed our problems. At first when I was struck, I was so ashamed of myself. Later as I came in touch with others, I realized this is such a common thing. Women keep crying, it’s in their nature, about every small thing. E.g. notice around you at work – if there was difficulty in finding a parking place in the morning, a woman would keep on talking for 15 min about how difficult it was to find a parking place, and how much of a problem it is for her everyday, and how today it was exceptionally difficult, and how the traffic was also more today, and how the weather is very cold etc etc – ensuring that she gains sympathy of the whole office. While a man would just say “This morning, I had difficulties to find parking near the office”.

      Love marriages lead to more divorces hence I would tend to believe that 498a etc also happens more in love marriages. (Mine was an arranged marriage).

      Those agreements are called pre nuptial agreements. Search for ‘pre nup’ on this blog.

  26. One more innocent, highly educated guy said

    Hi ———, I don’t known your name. But I want to thank you soooooooo much. This site have helped me so much- that I can say that you and your advice have saved my life.

    I was married on 26th may, girl (I will never call her my wife/ex-wife) stayed with me and my family for only 35 days. She started demanding for half of my income for her brothers education indirectly. In those 35 days her mother and uncle threated me and my family of filing 498A (obviously fake one). I and my parents decide to end this relation. we told this the girl and her parents, but they told that she want to continue this relation but on her and her mother’s terms and conditions (which were not acceptable). She was pregnant (Luck or Bad luck time will decide).
    I told her to *b**t and make her life. Then people from society (my rivals) told her to continue so she will get lot of money and property. She continued and they tried to consell me but in front of all respected member she insulted me and my family. From that Day I and my parents decide that we die but never bring that girl again. She tried many things 1) Fake complain but no action taken 2) Meeting women welfare society 3)Meeting SP 4) Meeting the head of Institute where I was working and taking my job away. But nothing worked. I and my parents were shocked and depressed ( all of us are on Anti-depressant drug these drug really helped us to stand and start new life). I required 3 month to recover then I started educating my self. consulted lawyers and most important net…. this blog and one article (Survival guide for 498A victim). Now I am firm on my stand, ready to face police, ready to stay in police station but will not pay single penny to my in-laws. I have one of best lawyers as my friend he told me that there is no law in India for your problem or for your justice so stay away, if they file case we will fight.
    I once again thank you and many activist fighting for our right for saving my life.
    MY ADVICE TO EVERY ONE IS THAT ” STAY CALM, STAY STRONG, STAY AWAY FOR COURT AS POSSIBLE”

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hi – many thanks for the kind words. I am very happy that my blog has helped you. It is very nice to see when someone leaves a comment and tells me that they have benefited from my efforts.

      I am glad that you are off anti-depressants now. There is more to life than one bad woman (or women in general for that matter). Continue moving in the right direction.

      Good luck and God bless

      • One More Innocent, Highly Educated Guy said

        From my reading and observation major problem with guys is that they get emotional and they worry what people will say.These two problems aggravate the situation. Then guys stop working (because of mental stress) and stay at home only and discuss the possibilities (this is the worst period——> whole family is surrounded my clouds of depression). Here are few tip.

        1) First and most Important: Never speak lies or exaggerate while you are talking to other people or police. (they understand)
        2) Spend time in your friends who have no knowledge of your problem.
        3) Keep working, even in spare time work for ex. write diary, write blog on any topic.( I wrote blog on Sachin Tendulkar: nobody will read but you should).
        4) Collect Evidences of events: Like Police notice, girl staying separately, record phone calls of in-laws when they are abusing you and your family.
        5) Meet Lawyers discuss don’t start procedure. Topics for discussion: Period of separation required, grounds for divorce, maintenance amount, and laws of property.
        6) Keep mobile number of all High rank police (DSP, SP), Local MLA MP.
        7) Keep some cash ready: For bail.(25,000-50,000 for small town, 50,000-1lakh for big cities).
        8) Meet people who went through same situation recently.
        9) Last but not the least: Keep faith in GOD, that one day you will be a free bird free to do what you want, what you were trained for, what you dream t of. and not what your in-laws wished.
        STAY CALM, STAY STRONG, STAY EDUCATED.

    • R said

      Good you are off anti-depressents. Take care and move in the right direction as per you.
      I also hope that your partner or whatever you may care to call her, did *b**t that child. For it would be really crude to have that child come to this world basis the people it would have been born to…

      • One More Innocent, Highly Educated Guy said

        Hi R
        She will give birth to chlid in next month, I called twice she and her mother used bad word. They have complained in local police station twice. I also feel bad for that child but we can’t help. If I become emotional for it then I will have to sacrifice my parents. It is now my time to do every bite to keep my parents healthy mentally and medically.

  27. sandeep said

    I was rejected ITR returns of my wife by income tax department. can someone help me with CIC / High Court judgments which i can attach with second appeal before CIC.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      ITR is private information. I do not think you can get ITR via RTI. What do you want to do with ITR? Perhaps we can find an alternate way to do what you want to do

  28. SV said

    Hi,I am here to just tell u the fact that not only men suffer after divorce but women are the main victims of this society. If your wife has done something wrong to you then you should’nt make her fun in front of the world and more over we can’t clap using one hand. Think of the good moments when you were together and try to be happy.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hi, what makes you say that women are the main victims? 65-80% of the divorces are initiated by women, does it not mean that women have more to gain from a divorce than lose?

    • Suresh said

      Women are the main victims? LOL, Women have been crying since ages. That is all they have done. They know crying baby gets the most milk. Hence they just cry. They cry about everything and in return they get all the special privileges.

      Here also, they are the ones who initiate divorces. They are the ones who get the most out of divorce. And then they cry “we are the main victims of the society”.

      • Rock Star said

        haha……..u r right crying baby gets the most milk………….female organs is all that is needed in India to live life on somebody’s else money and rest will be assured by the Indian Judiciary……money……money ….money……..all the dirty women who abuses law wants……but to make it indirect they will complain…..oh I wanted dish tv u got a cable connection……oh….I wanted….honda city u got me a 800……..oh I wanted to celebrate vactions in singapore and u only managed to arrange shimla……..shut the fuck up……and thanks to all the women who taught me to demand……….oh…..I do not want fungal infection give me bj……..oh….law of our country…….75% rape cases in India are filed by ex-girlfriends……50% court cases in India consists of so called matrimonial disputes….and are filed by DIL………my tax income ..is utilized against me……and freaking women are considered victims…..oh….losers……

  29. Ex said

    Well, recent developments i felt i should update you on. Firstly, after me sending a barrage of frantic sms messages to wife, FIL, MIL round the clock (i was getting worried about the daughter and wondering if they were capable of hiding it from me if something was wrong.) I got a single call from my wife. She said, “This is me. I want to tell you that when I left your house, I had made up my mind never to return.” All I could say was, “Then why did you lie and tell me to ‘get a job and then talk.’

    She says, “You have mentally, physically and financially tortured me and my child.” and hangs up.
    Luckily two friends were over and they were witness to me receiving the only call from her in 8 months. I’ve got my anniversary coming up and the baby’s birthday next month and after.

    Anyway, two weeks back, i am in the middle of a performance appraisal and awaiting my HR letter. I take a break and decide to see how my Father in law is appraising me currently. The first time, he answers and tells me not to call, he does not want to talk and to f==k off. I call back and this time he answers but says not a word. I tell him first to mind his language and secondly he has no rights to keep me away from my daughter. He keeps silent all through this call and hangs up.

    I text him the exact same lines and call him again. This time he tells me that it is all my wife’s decision and he as a father will back her till the end and i will have to see a lawyer since i had no legal rights on the child.

    Well, it took half a year to get him to stop abusing. It took so long to get the wife to actually state her intent. That is progress where earlier there was just silence on their part.

    Meanwhile my attempts to make my elder brother go over and talk to them got reprimanded as he thinks I have not been gainfully employed for long enough. That almost drove me suicidal but having a blind old dog as a pet helps.

    Like your advice of how 90% is in the head.
    Here are my thoughts:

    People will be mean. Men actually are idiots. Times like these really show you the game of life in clear terms.

    Express yourself. Even if it hurts. I found a nice pay, designation, started modifying motorcycles as a hobby and am currently painting my heart out as self-prescribed art therapy. I also do sculpture besides dabbling in the local rock music scene.

    All those lonely nights are better if you are educating yourself online, saving links to boost your ‘Man Friday’ and believe me, just knowing that there is information available makes the situation a little less scary.

    We need to move the press to cover more of the ‘Men Are The New Women (Helpless!) or ‘The Great Indian Revolving Door Wife’ or even ‘Ab pat-nee to nahin” type articles. News papers, letters to editors, even flash crowds at a newspaper office! Its got to be louder.

    Mail me your number, i need some advice. you have my id.

  30. OrissaScandal said

    Hi. Was reading thru the posts. Glad there is lot of moral support for the false cases. One more to add on: This guy did a register marriage a Blore girl after 2 years of knowing each other. later in another 2.5 years, he married another with consent of his parents. and, now absconding with a 498a and bigamy booked. is there a way to trace him and get him punished by law? police tried and he kept changing places.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      are you saying 498a and bigamy filed against the boy are false cases? you started by saying “glad there is a lot of moral support for the false cases”

      • OrissaScandal said

        Nope. I meant there is support for false cases, but not for the real ones. It’s a real case of bigamy and 498a. And, police/court could not trace the guy nor did they arrest his parents for the second marriage. I wanted to ask how to get justice.

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        It is funny when you say that there is support for false cases but not for the real ones.

        Who is supporting the movement against false cases? Common people like me who have suffered themselves – we have our own full-time jobs as well.

        Who is supporting the real ones? Govt, Police, Public – do you know more than 11,400 Crore Rupee is spent specifically on women initiatives? Women at least have laws like 498a which can be used. There is no law available for men in the first place. There are more than 3,000 NGOs working for upliftment of women in this country; hence I find it difficult to believe that there is no support for ‘real ones’.

        About your specific problem – firstly, why should the parents be arrested for bigamy? I think the police/ court is correct in not touching them. About tracing the guy, I do not know what his background is but try Facebook (apart from personal contacts in my wife’s family, I use Facebook to track my wife).

        Also it would depend on at what stage are the activities of police and court. I understand that FIR has been registered? If the due process is followed, then at some point in time even the property of the accused (your husband) can be attached. (Though most people shying away from courts would dispose all their property in time).

  31. Muralidhar said

    PLIGHT OF A BLIND MAN, HIS WIFE DESERTED HIM 14 YRS AGO BUT STILL HAUNTING HIM LIKE A DEVIL. PLS THROW SOME LIGHT

    · A has 3 Children, Blind Son (Res 1), Elder Daughter (Res 2), Younger daughter (Res 3)
    · A has a house, totally self earned.
    · Daughters already married and well settled in 1986 and live separately but they support the aged parents from the beginning.
    · Res 1 married in 1996 and his wife goes for delivery in 1997 never returns, (she has a son of 14 yrs now) known for her cruel some nature. Added to this she sends a legal notice for maintenance for no reason, while the in-laws urges her to return with the child.
    · Res 1 has a job in HAL under handicapped quota with decent salary to lead life with his wife. Unfortunately, she is looking for more than that and has eye on the house.
    · The family court orders for maintenance (500+500) which is given.
    · After waiting sufficiently, the blind husband decides to go for divorce and files a petition in family court.
    · Blind man looses his ailing mother, mainly thinking of the fate of the blind son and the high handedness of the daughter in law, which took toll of her life in 2001.
    · In 2003, the blind son is terminated by HAL on Medical Grounds, as he could not work due to the continuous blackmailing by her at work place brought on him gaining sympathy with his colleges and he goes into deep depression is unable to continue his job satisfactorily. She again contests for terminal benefits the blind man got and gets 60% in 2003, as his benefits are with held and paid on court order.
    · From 2003 the blind son/hus stops paying maintenance, as he has no source of income and is dependent on his father who is getting a meager pension being a govt servant.
    · In between looking at the sad state of affair of his blind son, the aged father falls sick many a time, with paralysis, heart problem, operations etc,
    · With the circumstances like this the Old man and the blind son could not contest case (both were economically and physically weak, and the blind son is in depression and trauma) in the court for divorce and they withdraw the case (as suggested by a stupid advocate) and in the mean time she applies for RCR which she gets in 2007 court saying that the husband should join the wife. She willfully keeps quiet not showing any interest to even to meet the blind husband, about which he is not at all interested.
    · In 2008 March, Mr.A, the father, gifts away the house (with a proper registered gift deed) that he lived to his first daughter with whom he had confidence, continues to live with her with his blind son, first daughter being the sole/legal owner. Everything gets transferred during A’s life time and she is in total possession.
    · In 2009, the wife of blind son goes to women commission (Bangalore) but after seeing the old man and the blind son the chair person realizes that she is bluffing and is a bad element and closes the matter asks her to knock the doors of court and closes the matter. It is sad that, this old man, had just recovered from Coma and he was summoned to WC. It was in Nov 2009.
    · The Old man passes away in Dec 2009, sir, this bloody bitch is entirely responsible, as this man suffered under the hands this bad lady, even while she lived for just six months after marriage and even after, by just dragging them to courts and commissions. His concern was the blind son, about his future and what would happen to him after his death. But he had the 100% assurance of his daughters that he would be looked after affectionately.
    · After the death of the old man, in Jan 2010 (after 13 yrs), she files 498 A, making blind man (R1), sister (R2), younger sister (R3) and goes to trial court. She tried her best to influence police to make some mischief but it does not work out and may be she had no clue as to the property has been already gifted away in 2008 to the one of the daughters. She maintains falsely, that she is presently living with her husband and may be thrown out any time.
    · SHE HAS BEEN ASKING FOR RIGHT TO RESIDENCE IN THE HOUSE, saying that it is a shared accommodation, until such time she is not aware that it is gifted away.
    · The real twist comes here, as she made a bundle of lies and submits her application and I wonder how this application was accepted by the court in the first place as there is no FIR, no cause, no date and no incident and she is using 498A after 14 years without any base, this really surprised all of us.
    · However, as we all say GOD SEES THE TRUTH BUT WAITS, her IA was dismissed (in Oct 2010) by the Learned Lady Judge who just heard us and saw our detailed objections and the documents submitted to court, dismissed her IA, she does not deserve the relief sought by her and she has been living separately on her own for 14 yrs and legally she is not permissible to stay in that house. Trail to come.
    · She goes on appeal to HC, but dismisses it saying that she has to approach the Sessions court, sending back her appeal. I wonder again, between Oct 1, 2010 and July 2011, it is more than 9 months and how this case was admitted in Ses Court.
    · Now, it is in Sessions Court (Of course we have a good advocate, honest too) but we fear what the jusge in Ses Court would do. The single point of argument of their advocate is that the father of blind son gifted the house to the daughter just to deny it going to his grandson. Then what is SELF EARNED PROPERTY? Are they not combining Civil matter in the Criminal matter. Can judges be sometimes stupid to pass irresponsible orders? It is only my assumption.
    · Lately, we could catch hold of her earnings she being a LIC agent prior to marriage in 1996 and till now, earning huge commissions at about Rs11000/= a month, when we approached the LIC to provide under RTI, they refused saying that it is like trespassing personal information, and when we made an application with the judge, they raised objections to it saying that it is not maintenance case, but right to residence appeal. The court would pass an order on 22.9.2011 whether to allow our application. We want to claim maintenance from her as well.
    · Can we again file for Divorce quoting long desertion and cruelty? We have the IO in our favour.

    Finally, after going through this information, what are your observations and apprehensions and VALUED SUGGESTIONS?

    We want to fight it to the end, even required go to HC/SC, because such elements should never exist in this world, when she has destroyed the life of a blind man beyond repair.

    I APPRECIATE YOU SIR.

  32. L said

    landed on this site accidentally, you have done a great job. but it seems that off late you are not posting any new articles. any change in the blog??? or shifted your focus on something more positive and productive???

  33. AK said

    Man, i really need some help….I am going through the worst times of my life due to this 498A stuff. Is there a way I can speak to you on phone?

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      I know what you are going through. And you are going through this because 100s and 1000s of men around you are supporting your wife. And no one is supporting you. Men are getting tortured by men in this country. Women can’t do anything on their own.

      I would be glad to offer some advice online through this blog. I won’t be able to talk over the phone

  34. Prasanna Balakrishnan said

    Hi, I read your post. I know that 498A will be a problem for men right from the time it was enacted. I am certainly sorry for all men who lost their peace in the name of Marriage. But let me ask you all few things .

    1) Why are you still supporting marriage among your friends, brothers and people around you ?
    2) For how long are you all going to encourage all those fairy-tales they show in movies , Love is eternal, marriage is made in heaven…
    3) How many of you will again try to get into the same pit hole even after the lesson learned from the first trauma…

    Marriage is a good old state control. Never get married. Wise men learn from the mistakes of others. I am single. I learned the mistake from my friends, my elder brother. Whenever someone, gets married, I don’t send them greetings. But condolences for the hardship they are going to face. Get the fact straight folks. Woman are never going to be satisfied. No matter how hard we are going to prove them, that we love them. In the post-globalization, with advent of feminism, all men (at least good men) will be screwed. If it had been 20 years or 50 years, relationship was really worth it. Our parents were really happy. But now everyone has many choices. Take for example, social networking sites. The probability that you will get a girl is very high. But that is just ephemeral. I guess if my people had been married now, their marriage have not lasted more than 5 years which was not the case some 20 years ago… Welcome to the 21st century…We men can also live alone with dignity. We do have more social responsibility than woman. It is a proven fact that men are more empathetic than woman. Let us focus our life on something useful.. I wish all the men will come out of their traumatic experience and get back to normal state …. Life is just once … Cheers ;)

  35. tarun said

    hi, nice blogs, thanks for all your help

  36. My story has just started.

  37. Not right now said

    Was reading through the blogs. What happens after the case ends? I hope there is peace and you get time to settle in life.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Peace and settling in life is not related to case status. There are people who are at peace and settled even while the cases are going on. And there are people who are never at peace

      • Not Right Now said

        Totally depends on individual then. But, it gets next to impossible or impossible to find a partner after this mess.

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        I do not think its ‘next to impossible’ to find a partner after this mess. Of course, it is a red mark on your report card but then one mark does not depict your complete personality. I know of many cases where people re-married later and have been leading a happy life. I also know of many cases where people are leading a happy life even while they are married to the 498a woman legally

  38. harassed by fabricated 498a said

    Good brother u did well. My X is travelling in same path. In her drafted typed letter in 498a she started saying after marriage started harassing at her home town but we were in honey moon and out state. she used to ask me to visit very oftenly during her pregnancy time at MIL place and myself to save time i used to visit her place taking flight .. those all days she converted as harassing.. and many more she stated… at the end now i collected evidence of my stay, photos, Videos and fighting for justice.. My old parents & siblings are staying in another state she put all them in 498a.. People r laughing seeing my evidence and her fabricated complain… Now she is not leaving me not giving divorce, she tells openely write property on her name then she will join… So people should be cautious before marriage other wise u will be in soup… If A person tells that for u’r sake i told lie then remember some day she will tell lie against u aswell…
    Two person to make a marriage but only one person enough to break it most of the cases MIL invlovment gone case. A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.

  39. AK said

    Stumbled on your blog. My best buddy is going thru the same. Me and My friends are helping him through all this. I have to say your blog really helped. Is there a group in bangalore ?.

    Also did you happen to watch Satyamev Jayate episode 3. I was pretty shocked on watching it, not for the women but for the men. There was a guy who was abducted and married off. And everyone was laughing. Imagine, if this had been done to a girl. That guy would have been behind bars for the rest of his life.
    Also the first story did not seem convincing enough. She said that her husband broke the filter so she could not drink water for 4 days. Now I have lived in the US for 2 years. I used to drink regular tap water occasionally. Even the americans do that. Also I don’t know, how the husband can leave her inside the apartment but not pay rent. Also she said she used to weigh 36. She looked as though she was atleast 70 kilos.

    Such programs make men’s lives even more difficult. I am not going to watch any more Aamir khan movie.

    • Impicated76 said

      Hey, good observations… I too thought on same lines. It seemes these stories are tools to get sympathy’s of lawyers/judges and TRPs. She no way looked some one who was 36 Kg….
      One more thing:
      She said her husband used to harass her by saying “use these onions (or potatoes what ever it was)for two weeks” what is the harassment here? I have been drinking tap water even in india, forget US/UK.
      please also give feedback on satyamev jayate website.

  40. SM said

    Probably, collectively, the fight should be against inhuman behaviour and cruelty and not biased against any particular gender. The laws applicable for & against women should the same as the ones for & against men. It is the cruel skewed bullying mind which manipulates the weaker partner. What better manner to exploit people than under the garb of marriage. The weaker partner shudders to think of their marriage as a weak one and they comply to the demands for a long time while being tortured. Some are exploited for ever, others are butchered by the 498a in case of men or are simply barbecued or else neglected or abandoned alive in case of women.

    Well meaning simple parents who drill a principled living into the minds of their children end up preparing them for doom. Worldly wisdom is an important aspect of upbringing. Putting forward your second cheek after being slapped on the first one does not hold good today.

    I have seen families at close quarters where siblings (brother and sister) and subjected to massive exploitation (financial, emotional, physical) in hands of their respective in-laws on account of them being brought up this way.

  41. SM said

    Do people realise that the women who are actually being tortured rarely file a complaint. Believe me, some are at senior executive positions (VP, Director, CFO etc.) in big multinational corporations. Highly qualified victims of lowly abuse. They do not want any money; they only want a normal life.

    The one who file complaints (esp. 498a) are rarely being abused. Shockingly, when I had gathered enough money for a small down payment after slogging it out for 18 years in the industry, the property broker asked me if I had recently received a settlement. I was unable to understand his statement, so he explained. My daughter and I were really taken aback.

    ……Sorry for posting 2 comments back to back.

  42. NS said

    I too am a recent victim of these false 498a charges, and the root cause happens to be the elders in my wife’s family.Also I happen to be graduate from IIM-B, so quite happy to see a fellow alumnus finding success as a “fighter” :-) . From the looks of it it seems that you are no longer actively blogging. Is it possible to get in touch as I would like to get your feedback on some of the methodologies in fighting back.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      I am here. It is generally the case that wife’s family instigates her to file all these cases. She only signs the papers, all the planning is done by the elders (not realizing that they are spoiling the girl’s life too). There is a lot of information available on my blogs, please go through them and then leave a comment if you need further discussions.

      • OmSaiRam said

        Hello, I desperatly need to contact you to take guidance and save my brother from a fraud marriage. My case is very similar to yours, I am actually a sister fighting justice for my brother. Plaese could you give your email id or contact number, awaiting for your reply – Iluvshrutiverma

      • NS said

        Hey buddy, Its been close to a year and my battle is still going on. Over this time I realized that each case takes a different path although the reasons for 498a are pretty much the same. Same goes for ending. Its the path , challenges in hanging onto job, calming down parents, evolving equation with relatives who got implicated even as innocent bystanders.. which has a tough impact and is as tough as the court and police station dates. Of all the possibilities after IIMB, this was least expected but atleast I think i got some idea about handling pressure. And there are days when all seems futile and worthless , but as a ‘fighter’ cant cave in.
        I was wondering if you ever thought of penning your experience in a novel. I am contemplating it, and was wondering if you wanted to collaborate . Let me know

      • NS said

        I had posted a message yesterday , about thought of writing a book. I too am from IIM-B. Was it deleted accidently ?

  43. i am victim of mental more than physical harassment from husband and his family for the sake of cash,they do not want furniture or materials which are useful for me…because those things would be seen by people of society and they pretended very gud with me in front of others and torture me mentally to the extent that i must ask cash from my parents,…..i had been suffering with urine infection for some times and they told me that we don’t have even a peny to spend on your ailment,and mother in law told me you must take medicine from your parents and used to abuse me all day…and also forced me to keep smily face infront of outsiders,otherwise they would give me divorce…so please tell me what should i do….i m completely shattered…and doubtful that how can i get justice because they are very clever

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      The laws are definitely pro women. Getting a divorce in India is not so easy if one person would not agree. So it is not easy for your husband/ family to give you divorce if you do not want to. What worries me though is whether you would like to live in such a hostile environment forever. The possible solutions are 1- try changing ur husband with time (i assume you must have already tried and failed) 2- keep putting up with the torture and 3 – take a firm stand and complain. It is very easy to file cases like 498a, dowry prohibition act, crpc 125, DV act etc etc

  44. matbar mishra said

    Please help me.
    I was married in 1998. I had a daughter in 2000. In Aug 2010 my wife left me and my daughter. She began asking for divorce. She asked for Rs 20 Lakh alimony which I refused.
    In 2011 we divorced on mutual consent. She did not press for alimony.

    Can she now go to court for alimony?
    When can I start feeling safe?
    when can I remarry?

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      1. Can she now go to court for alimony? She can go till the time she remarries – so if she does not remarry till 2020, she can go to the court in 2020 too asking for maintenance. (Another point to note is that she can go to the court claiming to be not re-married while in reality she might have been re-married; in that case you need to prove that she re-married). I know it’s not fair but law/ courts/ society always favor women.

      2. When can I start feeling safe? Theoretically never but practically I think the chances of any unpleasant event happening in future are minimal (provided no money was exchanged during mutual consent divorce).

      3. when can I remarry? You can remarry today!

      • Matbar Mishra said

        Thank you sir you are very kind.
        Please elaborate further point 2. How are the chances of unpleasant event minimised if there was no payment during mutual consent divorce.

  45. reddy said

    Can I disown my family since my wife is trying to file a false 498A in India. and Im in USA. I dont want my mother , my father my brothers and my sisters to be involved in her case so I want to disown my parents legally in INDIA. Im not bothered about any money that my parents have. I just dont want them to be in trouble because of my wife. Please advise me if I can do so. If yes What is the actual procedure to do it and How long it would take for this process to be done. Please help me im going through a tough time with her.

  46. OmSaiRam said

    Hello ILuvShrutiVerma,

    Please provide me your email address as i need to contact you to take some help and save my brother from a fraud marriage, awaiting your reply. please email me on email address or provide me yours, thanks – sister of an innocent brother

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      The only way to contact me is through my blogs. Earlier I used to meet people and even talk over the phone. Later I realized it is a waste of my time to help each person individually – most problems are identical and people can learn listening to each other’s problems; hence I discuss only on blogs now, you can ask me whatever you want here

  47. Omsairam said

    Hi Ilsv,

    Thanks for leaving it reply, I’d stil want to exchange an email with you, I know you through mr Anand, nath traders. Would really appreciate if you can drop me an email as I have some specific questions which are not worth asking in this blog, thanks

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      I am sorry I do not remember who Anand is – I have met 100s (if not 1000s) of people in the last few years. But not to worry, in order to seek advise from me, you do not have to come to me through someone I know.

      Like your brother, there are many brothers out there who will benefit from our discussion. Trust me when I say your problems cannot be unique. Ask me here and I will see if I can advise.

  48. Omsairam said

    Ok, I meant mr Anand from nath traders , Gwl . I also a student from itm college Gwl ( were SV studied) please let me know ur email Id or email me if possible so I can discuss my case, I am ok to blog later on but alreast to explain you background of the situation initially it would be good to write to you, thanks for your understanding.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      i am sorry, i dont interact over emails.

      i surely find it interesting that my 498a wife’s family has referred you to me.

      • Inq said

        I know a Shruti Verma who lives in New Jersey now and is married, I have always found her very mysterious. She has worked in Infosys before. Do we know the same person?

      • iluvshrutiverma said

        Yes

  49. A said

    “I know of a case where the guy actually quit his job and started to study again only in order to avoid maintenance.” I had a good laugh reading this line in above discussion no.7, But this is what we can do to take revenge on those bitter halves who wanted to grab our hard earned money by legal terrorism. I love reading this blog because it gives me enlightenment and inspiration from all others who are suffering/have suffered from their bitter halves, those bitter halves who are the real losers.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Different people have done different things to avoid maintenance. It only depends on how creative you are. Search this blog and you will definitely find some items of interest to you

  50. Hopeforbest said

    Hello ILSV

    Did you undergo any counselling sessions at women cell or had direct fir. Also, is a girl entitled for maintenance and has right in property in husbands name bought before marriage if she is working? Do you have experience on how to fight back Domestic violence case? And what cases a boy can do proactively in a fraud marriage. Would you recommend proactive case approach from boys side or just keep defensive? Please respond

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Hi –

      I did not have any counselling (Thank God for that) – mine was a straight FIR, in fact straight arrest. One morning I was asked to come to the police station and once I reached there I realized I have been arrested. The FIR was written in front of me. This was good in many ways, I did not have to live in any fear ever :)

      It does not matter whether the girl is working or not – what matters is whether it can be proven in court. My wife worked for Infosys when she went to the court claiming unemployment and hence maintenance. She did not know I know half the world that works in the IT industry.

      Attack is the best defense. If you keep on taking it silently, it will take much longer to resolve the situation. If you attack, then they also feel the trouble and hence want to get out quickly.

  51. Vishva wadhwa said

    hi

    I am an advocate (Practising Tax) and my wife is also an Advocate (working in E&Y).

    I am under going a situation where I caught my wife (red handed) having an affair with a boy. I informed this thing to her family BUT they took it lightly, since that day I have left my wife and living separately. Today its been 9 moths and 8 days I am living separately from my wife and she is at her parents house.

    Many people got involved in between for a settlement BUT she is not agreeing for the divorce, else make false allegations against me.

    Now they have threatened me that if I will not live with her then they will lodge 498a complaint against me. Her father demands money for divorce BUT the girl does not agrees.

    Can any one suggest what precautions should I take BEFORE anything wrong happens.

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Your primary concern should be getting an anticipatory bail, once that happens you can sit peacefully and plan your strategy.

  52. Abhishek said

    hi man, excellent work with this website.

    My court cases which involves 498A and the likes are going on from last 3 years and I have come to realize that its the men who really love their wives and respect them suffer the most. In case where men beat them black and blue woman prefer to take divorce without any conditions. In our cases they keep asking for more and more money.

    Here is my situation – I filed for divorce in 2010 and resigned from my job exactly 12 months earlier from filing the divorce. My salary slip in earlier shows 60K/month while the one I have shows 12.5K/month. Now my wife has filed in the court that my bank statements should be presented in the court. Can court issue any order to me for presenting the same or is there a way I can possibly stop my wife’s attempt to get a order from court wherein I will have to present my bank statements?

    • iluvshrutiverma said

      Why did you file for divorce? It’s a bad idea. On this website, search for related comments and I have explained quite a few times on why it is a bad idea for men to ask for divorce. It is unlikely that the judge will order you to present your bank statements.

  53. another_498a_Victim said

    Hi Gentleman,

    Thanks for your great work. I am a 498a victim too. My case is very unique. My ex-wife is a singaporean(Born, brought up, studied in singapore). but her mother is from India, living with her singaporean husband in Singapore. Our civil marriage happened in Singapore during 2007. I am having Singapore marriage cert also. She went to India to file 498a to meet her demands during 2011. CS has been filed. Since than I never been to India. Parents and sister were arrested and came out in bail. Parents could manage to spilit the case and go for trial. First trial is scheduled on 29th Nov. But I assume that ex-wife will not be appearing during this time.
    I am really upset with indian legal system. It seems 498a is not only meant for Indian born women. It can work for foreign born womand too. I would like to bring matter to media. !!!!

    Is there any advise from your side?

  54. saurav said

    i love you “ex-husband of shruti verma”, you are doing a great job

  55. Naveen said

    Hi ILSV
    thanks for putting all the information regarding 498a and partiality of DV act. Under the present circumstances it seems to me that i ll be subjected to this act in near future as there is extreme turbulence in my married life. My wife gets furious about every small thing and doubting over me for extra marital affairs is her hobby these days. And any justification from my side is threatened by FIR and dire consequences.
    Please let me know what can i do to avoid being subjected to 498a ie is there any law by which i can file complaint in police station that my wife is regularly threatening me with false violence and dowry harassment complaints. By browsing on internet some info i have been able to get but not completely and authentic. So please advise me on this issue as it seems i am on the brink of being criminally harassed.

  56. Naveen said

    If somebody else can also help in this regard then pls do so. Your suggestions anxiously awaited.

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