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Read on to know what happens to men who marry in India

Archive for December 24th, 2008

Domestic violence claims men too

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 24, 2008

And they call it a man’s world? Indian men are victims of domestic violence too but can not even come out in open and cry like women do!

http://timesofindia .indiatimes. com/Bangalore/ Domestic_ violence_ claims_men_ too/articleshow/ 3876342.cms

BANGALORE: Family problems are the cause of most suicides in the country. While the number of suicides increased by 28% over the last decade, they went up by 3.8% in the past year. Only 5% of these are attributed to financial
reasons while family problems triggered 23.8%, according to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) which recently published the 2007 statistics.

Members of the Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF) on Monday drew attention to these statistics, which also show that every year, the number of men committing suicide is much higher than that of women.

More married men (57,593) committed suicide last year than married women (30,064). “In 11 years, 1,56,000 married men killed themselves due to domestic violence. Yet, the government doesn’t feel the need to protect
them. Society ridicules them as weak and irresponsible and cites financial reasons as the cause of their suicide. Also, there is a hue and cry when women commit suicide and the husbands’ family is dragged to the police station on suspicion that they must have forced her to suicide. For men, there is hardly any investigation, ” said Anil Kumar, secretary, SIFF.

The organization urged the government to set up a men’s welfare ministry and a national commission for men to study the problems, allocate a men’s budget, provide homes for those trapped in domestic violence, among other things.

Members of Children’s Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting (CRISP), a sister concern of SIFF, identified that men not allowed custody of their children was also an issue of concern leading to stress and depression among divorced men and, in some cases, suicide.

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Parents worsen rocky marriages

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 24, 2008

I completely agree: Shruti’s parents were so protective about their daughter that they wanted to control everything that happens in her life even after marriage. If they would not have interfered,  probably my wife and I would have understood each other and have had a happy married life.

*”Unwanted advice of parents should be avoided while tackling crisis situations in a relationship”*

A report published by a Florida-based marriage counsellor said parents may invariably accelerate the break up process if a marriage is on the rocks. “Unwanted advice of parents should be avoided while tackling crisis situations in a relationship. The couples ought to be independent to make their own decisions,” it said.

Dr Rajan Bhonsle, a Mumbaibased marriage counsellor says, “Parents are very possessive about their children. Somehow, they become jealous of the new person in their children’s life. They don’t want to give away their children
even after marriage and keep pouring in advice — which very often is one of the major causes of a marriage break up.” He feels the situation can become more vulnerable in the initial stage of a marriage, as there is a lack of understanding already, and parents’ biased advice just adds to it. This becomes an even bigger problem when the other partner is not liked by the parents.

However, Dr Jyoti Sangle, visiting psychiatrist at Hiranandani Hospital says, “A marriage is made between two mature individuals. They need to be responsible, and so you can’t solely blame parental advice for a split.” She says that parents always have a soft corner for their child, and so they often fail to analyse the situation rationally. It is also because there are so many personal and social emotions attached.

“Importantly, if a marriage is under stress, parents need to be informed about it. But always seek advice from professionals — someone who can look at the situation objectively, like marriage counsellors,” adds Dr Sangle.

Dr Bhonsle warns that as a mature individuals, couples must communicate with each other regularly and openly, as a lack of communication only adds to the problem. “Selfishness, ingratitude and lack of understanding are the
hallmarks of an unhappy marriage,” he adds, “And in this case, it is vital that the couple be independent enough to take their decisions.” Dr Sangle adds, “When you see problems in your marriage, always seek professional help. But understanding, communication and respect is important to keep a marriage alive.”
http://www.dc-epaper.com/DC/DCB/2008/12/23/ArticleHtmls/23_12_2008_110_004.shtml?Mode=1

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Women cling to clothes longer than marriages

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 24, 2008

Women cling to clothes longer than hubbies

22 Dec 2008, 0000 hrs IST, ANI
http://timesofindia .indiatimes. com/Lifestyle/ Women_cling_ to_clothes_ longer_than_ hubbies/articles how/3797516. cms

Women keep their favourite piece of clothing for an average of 12 years – which is longer than the length of many marriages – according to a British survey.

The study also confirmed what many men already knew – despite splashing thousands of pounds on clothes women only wear a third of their wardrobe. The woman’s favourite item, which on an average costs less than 50 pounds, is kept for 12 years, the research for The Clothes Show Live revealed.

It may be a skirt, a dress, or a pair of shoes, but it is what a woman will feel the most attractive in, reports the Telegraph . The finding underlines the deep attachment many feel to particular pieces of clothing.

Gavin Brown, the show’s managing director, said, “It seems that women have a lasting affinity with their wardrobes – 12 years is a long time in the shelf life of an item of clothing.”

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College life goes beyond kisses

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on December 24, 2008

Contrary to the common belief that boys are more sexual,  Read on to find out that girls are more characterless as compared to boys: “the percentage of non-virgins in the age group of 18 to 20 is 65.6 among girls and 63.3 among  boys”

BANGALORE, 24 DECEMBER: A quick kiss goodnight in the front seat of a car is where it all begins.  Running home after a hug in a crowded street, snuggling at the movie theatre  or holding hands while walking through a mall, relationships are becoming
more public by the second, and also more intimate.

Long gone are the days when relationships meant merely spending time with  one another. They have taken on new meanings today with the physical aspect in the spotlight.  Pre-marital sex is no longer considered a taboo among youngsters. According  to a survey conducted by Avishkaar, a counselling clinic, the percentage of
non-virgins in the age group of 18 to 20 is 65.6 among girls and 63.3 among  boys
.

“Youngsters get carried away in the heat of the moment”, says Viren  Michael, a law student. Be it a social gathering or a party, if the  opportunity presents itself, youngsters on certain occasions can’t stop, or  say no, adds Viren.
Knowledge and exposure have triggered curiosity among teens. Unanswered or  wrongly answered curiosity can result in consequences such as Sexually  Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and unwanted pregnancies. “Youngsters must be
informed about contraceptive methods and STDs to make them responsible, ”  says Dr Chandra Mansukhani, a gynaecologist.

A survey of 20 college students in the city reveals that today’s teenagers  are willing to experiment with sex. When asked about unwanted pregnancies,  the same set of students felt that with the right protection such a problem
will not arise.  But then again, it is a known fact that a condom can only be 95 to 97%  effective. Pallavi Mehta, a journalism student, says that abortions are  found, more than rarely, among those her age.

Most don’t want to lose out on the fun aspect of life, she says, adding that abortions are the only way out of a pregnancy, unless the girl would rather spend her days raising a child instead of going out and living her
own life.

According to counsellors and parents, there are several reasons why  youngsters are experimenting with sex. In India, you need to be 16 to have a  sexual relationship; that’s the legal age. Affluence, changing lifestyles,
free access and consumption of alcohol and drugs allow young adults to shed  inhibitions faster.

Peer pressure and broken homes result in an increased urge to experiment.  “It is for this reason that it is necessary to have sex education in schools  as well as at homes today”, says a counsellor.  M Bhatt, a banker, agrees with this view. “Advertisements and TV serials  talk of westernised lifestyles. Our kids are exposed to this and are  naturally drawn in at a very young age,” he says.  Pre-marital sex is no longer an unspoken taboo; it is a reality that must  be accepted and dealt with. And awareness is the first step towards this.

With evolving trends in society, it is necessary to ensure the open availability of worthwhile information on sex.
Stereotyping sex into a taboo by a large chunk of society will only  complicate matters for future generations. That is a big worry.

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/dnabangalore/newsview.aspx?eddate=12/24/2008&pageno=4&edition=9&prntid=389&bxid=27935846&pgno=4

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