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How to (mis)use 498a: Guide for the litigating wives

Posted by iluvshrutiverma on October 20, 2008

Section 498A, of Indian Penal Code, is a boom for modern Indian women. It comes very handy for women to fulfill their materialistic desires. A quick guide to the empowered women of India on how to use 498A to unleash ‘legal terrorism’.

WHAT’S THE use of being empowered, if you are unable to cause harassment, pain and suffering to the husband and his family to the point of suicide? If this is your objective, IPC section 498A can come in handy for you. This not only makes sure that you cause trauma, harassment and pain to your husband’s family, but also you get paid in full for it in due course. So gear up women, here is a crash course in 498A.

Here is the modus operandi of a false 498A. It’s actually easier than ordering a pizza and will cause assured harassment for the husband’s family, the other benefits may include:

  1. Display of strength and scaring the husband’s family into submission;
  2. Chances of a quick and easy extortion or as it is called, a ’compromise’. This booty will then be shared by the colluding relatives and the wife, according to their level of involvement and quantum of assistance;
  3. Imagining a case in which the husband, scared of jail time, will leave his family and be his wife’s slave.
  4. Getting the moral support of NCW (National Commission for Women)and WCD (the ministry of women and child development), that see wealth distribution, from husbands to wives, as a way to encourage women buying more stuff and bringing foreign direct investment in women’s products.

The 498A consists of three basic phases and you need to have unique skills to master them;

  1. Complaint (letter writing skills and vocabulary words, which invoke sympathy, hunger, harassment etc)
  2. Police arrest (always wished you acted and get aid for it, here is your chance, you need to cry, wail and shout and also get paid in full for it). Who knows you might as well get picked for an Ekta Kapoor serial.
  3. Compromise (the sweetest of all, counting the money and making sure it gets deposited in full).

Modus Operandi

  1. Leave your husband on the pretext of visiting your mother, pregnancy or caring for your ailing father.
  2. Look for the most opportune moment:
  • For Husbands living in India Fridays are the best time and if Monday is also holiday nothing like it. In fact girls can look for the this time and then go to their mother’s place first and then plan out.
  • For NRI’s the best time is when they are visiting their family in India. This way he will not be able to return and will loose his peace, money and career immediately.
  • Once the date and time has been decided, its time to take the plunge. Don’t worry noone can touch you misusing this section. Remember the all powerful Indian Police and judiciary is with you along with the NCW and WCD, who will in due course come up with more laws for your benefit.

A very important part of this process is drafting the complaint.

  1. First the easy way. Visit any local lawyer. The cheapest ones will also suffice as these days all have preformatted 498A allegation forms, just fill in your name, address and list of people to accuse and behold!!! You can have your own personalized 498A complaint. Some girls who are creative can also choose to study the preformatted complaint and then write one of their own. This will help bringing out the writer in you. Remember, just like there is no extra charge to include the names of your family member for credit cards, there is no extra charge for causing additional harassment to any number of relatives of your husband. Some women have also included husband’s friends as a bonanza. So go on and include all those whom you ever despised in this list. Whomever you include make sure you always include the women and children of the husbands family as they are his weak spot. Whatever you write, make sure the below 3 allegations are in as without this the police will be reluctant to register your complaint even with bribes.
  • Not given food and water for 7 days and kept me locked in a dark room.
  • Beating me each day right from the wedding night. Even the doctors will tell you that the most violent of criminals will rather have sex with a woman on the first night than beat her, but the India Police, NCW and WCD does not believe so and will believe whatever you say. If you can create false medical certificate there is nothing like it. But this is not all that important as the police will believe whatever you say anyways.
  • Already paid Rs 10 lakhs at engagement. Make sure you include whatever you ever wished for but did not get to buy in the stridhan list as the police will make the husband buy and ‘return’ those articles even if you have never given those. See how simple the WCD ministry has made it for you to fulfill your materialistic desires. So this is time to get the articles of your wildest desires. At least if you write 10 you might get one, so whats the harm in writing as many as possible.

2. Whew !!! Your complaint draft is final and you have a gleaming copy of a spanking new 498A. You should be proud that you will soon be joining the 498A women’s list who have made a martyr of their Husbands family to get their desires fulfilled. You have crossed a big hurdle in your life. Now the Money just wants to come to you. The next steps are pretty simple and routine and should be cake walk for the empowered women like you.

3. Visit the local police station with some relatives. Most of the girls take their father and brother, but the police do not mind if you take your paramour (ex-lover) especially if he is supposed to benefit from the expected settlement and you both have already booked your new flat and are looking to pay the first installment.

4. Be ready to wail and have moist eyes as these infuriate the police officers in India against the husband. If you have Mahila thana, that’s the best place to go, as these women police officers have known to create havoc on the Husband’s family. Pay a token advance bribe to police and see the speed at which they start the manhunt for the Husbands family and his aged parents and sisters faster than hunt for Osama. You need not even pay the rest of the bribe as it will be collected in full from the Husband’s family. Make sure to file the case as far off as possible even if the alleged incidents in your complaint did not occur there. This will add icing on the cake as the Husbands family will have the additional pain of fighting the case in a different state and city. You, by now, will not be able to stop praising the WCD and NCW for this law and wanting more laws like these to hit the stands. How much thought they must have put into this law to make sure you get away Scot free. GO 498A !!! Hip Hip Hurray !!!

5. So the husband is arrested. Congratulations!!!. Now you have shown them what you are made of, bravo my girl, bravo. But hey, this is milking time, and as cows have a specific period for milking, for husbands and it is when they or the women of his family are behind bars. You need to be quick and fast as a fox. Make sure that he is not released and the bail gets denied. Immediately put the amount for “Compromise”, make sure you quote an astronomical amount as it’s always bargained down. If he agrees CONGRATULATIONS again, you are a millionaire after writing a complaint letter. Book authors do not make so much money as you have made by writing a letter. You have just paid the amount for your very flat in full and it is tax free. This is apart from the other tax-free money you can claim in terms of alimony. I will talk about it in another book “Alimony and Maintenance for dummies”.

6. If you are denied any compromise money, there is always another chance; the metropolitan magistrate will bargain for you to close the case. Try your luck there as well.

I wish you all the best in your 498A gold rush.

One Response to “How to (mis)use 498a: Guide for the litigating wives”

  1. Ari said

    We men better be safe than sorry. Sorry I’m planning to stay away from women. My peace is more important to me……

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